When dying a gradual death, there are a variety of dynamics and patterns, as well as the individual’s personality that makes each death unique. Yet as unique as each death is, there are also commonalities.   In the months before death from disease, and often years before death from old age, parts of our personality begin to […]

Pain at end of life is so misunderstood. It seems like the letters I receive from family members saying “Hospice gave my mom morphine and they killed her” are increasing instead of decreasing. SO here are my thoughts on how to help our families:  education, education, education. Before beginning use of morphine or fentanyl sit […]

When doctors and healthcare professionals place a number on how long someone has to live, they are doing that person a disservice.   We have the right to be told about our disease, its progression, and the options of care and their expected outcomes. We need to know what the probability of our being cured is […]

I was thinking about birth and death at three o’clock this morning. I know most people are asleep at that hour—hopefully.      I was thinking how similar they are and that they create a circle. A circle of life. We go through labor to get into this world. It can be easy and gentle […]

“I’m so angry! I’m angry that he is sick. I am angry that I’m angry that he is sick.”  “I feel guilty that I’m angry. I’d better not tell anyone how angry I feel. They’ll see what a ‘bad’ person I am. I won’t tell anyone——I’m so depressed.” Anger held inward becomes depression. The above […]

We tend to forget that life is a terminal illness. We are born, we experience, and then we die. All of living is on the road to death. How is that for a downer?   The thing is dying is a part of living. Like living, it has stages – a road to travel. The road from […]

Dear Barbara, I have two questions please, if you would help. 1. My Mother’s eyes turned color a few hours before she died. Do you know anything about this? 2. When my Mother was struggling (fighting) at the end the pulse oximeter displayed no numbers, the hospice nurse said, ‘She’s gone.’ However, my Mother still […]

Dear Barbara, Is the process of dying different for the elderly? Is it different for children? There is no difference for a young person dying from disease, a medium aged or an older person. People dying from disease, whether old or young or in-between, go through the same process.  An older person with no disease […]

My dementia knowledge revolves around the end of life process. I know it is a symptom of various diseases rather than a disease itself. I know that as we get old our mind naturally has bits of dementia— memory loss being a major “old age” symptom.  I know that dementia doesn’t play by the rules […]

Dear Barbara, I have two friends who recently died from strokes. They were both in their 90’s. They were heavily sedated and died within days. I know narcotics can slow breathing to the point where a person stops breathing and dies. Could hospices be using narcotics to euthanize their patients? I can’t respond directly to […]