I’m writing a book about the experiences I’ve had in working with end of life. What keeps appearing throughout the chapters is “over a cup of coffee” or “sitting at the kitchen table.”  A lot of time spent talking, becoming acquainted, and listening to life and relationship stories. We talk about living and their life, […]

Taking care of someone as they approach the end of their life is hard, scary, frustrating, sad, and often guilt-ridden work. Caregivers carry the burden of care but are often invisible. We tend to give our attention to the patient by focusing on their wants, needs and changes. We come, often bringing gifts and food, […]

Dear Barbara, I need some advice. I am doing a patient evaluation and have been told not to use the word “hospice“ with the patient. The primary care person doesn’t want the patient to know the seriousness of their illness. I hear this way too often. I suppose the primary care person is trying to protect […]

I had someone ask me “Why do all people with dementia feel someone is out to get them?” My answer—not all people with dementia feel or react like someone is out to get them. There is no one size fits all when it comes to dementia. Just like all human beings are different, so is […]

I had someone ask me “Why do all people with dementia feel someone is out to get them?” My answer—not all people with dementia feel or react like someone is out to get them. There is no one size fits all when it comes to dementia. Just like all human beings are different, so is […]

I get emails weekly from upset caregivers and family members who had hospice services. Now that mom is dead they are angry with hospice. It is the hospice’s fault that mom died. “Hospice killed my mom.” My first response is that hospice did not educate enough, interact with caregivers enough, teach enough — and that […]

It used to be that end of life workers came to the career because something deep within said, “this is the work for you.” Today, with hospice being a big business rather than a heart-driven movement, employees often enter the field because it is a job. I’m not saying this is ALL hospice employees. I […]

To my fellow widows and widowers – well, actually to anyone. I think a big part of grieving is loneliness. Loneliness from our person having left us, but also aloneness in our day to day activities. Monday through Friday, I have people coming in and out of my life. I talk with others, interact with […]

We are born, we experience and then we die. There are a lot of emotions when we are born (joy, anticipation, pride, throw in some fear but not too much). All of these emotions are experienced by those around us. We, the newborn, are busy adjusting to this new way of living. There are a […]

Denial. Denial by the person with a life threatening illness, denial by the caregiver, and I’ll even add denial by some attending physicians. Denial is often the reaction to diseases that have reached the point of not being fixable. It can’t be me. It can’t be my special person. The doctors are wrong. If we […]