Christina Rumpf on Unsplash

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Photo by Christina Rumpf on Unsplash

Bean Soup and Conflict.  What in the world does bean soup have to do with conflict?

A woman posts a recipe for a nutritious iron rich bean soup on TikTok. And in many comments, people complain that (gasp) the soup has beans in it. They ask how to make it without beans or what the alternative to beans would be, because they don’t like or can’t eat beans. They rate the recipe negatively.  Some observers of social media have started calling this increasingly common phenomena beanification.  It is also known as “but what about me?”

I myself have had this experience with a guided visualization I made (Let Go, Love, and Forgive) for the Insight Timer app. The visualization has over five thousand plays; most people loved it and many gave it 5 stars.  But, one person gave it only one star, complaining with great displeasure that “this isn’t a Meditation, it is a guided visualization.” They clearly don’t like guided visualizations, but mine says what it is in the title, so why are they rating it so negatively?

If you don’t like beans, why not move on to a different recipe? If you don’t like guided visualizations, why not move on to a different recording that is more your style?

It seems that these indignant folks are unable to step outside of their own opinions or feelings and graciously allow other people to enjoy bean soup or a visualization. They make it all about them.

Beanification causes a lot of unnecessary conflict as well. When I work with leaders and others to help them comprehend and navigate workplace conflict better, a key teaching is about making room someone else’s perspective. I ask them to imagine or gather information about the other person’s might see what happened, to begin to understand that there are a least two different stories, yours and theirs, about what occurred. When my clients can do this even a little bit, it opens up opportunities for increased empathy, better conversations, and more harmony.

Curiosity and Compassion.  This curiosity and compassion for different points of view is part of creating a workplace where people are valued and can contribute most effectively. So before you start blaming and criticizing someone at work or elsewhere, ask yourself, am I making this all about me? Am I “beanifying” the situation instead of expanding awareness and possibility?

Lorraine Segal has helped over 2000 leaders and others in organizations and corporations communicate more clearly, transform conflicts, and let go of resentments. The goal: to create a more harmonious and productive workplace.  Through her business, Conflict Remedy, Lorraine creates customized training and Coaching programs for non-profit organizations, corporations, and government agencies and Sonoma State University. She was recently named one of the top 15 coaches in Santa Rosa by Influence Digest. She is a contributing author to the book, Stand Up, Speak Out Against Workplace Bullying. Her latest project, a memoir called: Angels and Earthworms, an unexpected journey to love, joy, and miracles, is about her transformation from miserable self-doubt to self-acceptance, true love, spiritual awareness, and right livelihood. Find out more about the memoir here. Contact Lorraine through ConflictRemedy to request a free consultation for you and your organization or to sign up for her conflict remedy newsletter and blog.

Related blog posts:

The Rashomon Effect and Conflict

What Is Conflict Transformation?

My visualization: Let Go, Love, and Forgive

© 2025 Lorraine Segal Conflict Remedy

The post Bean Soup and Conflict appeared first on Conflict Remedy.

Lorraine Segal Author, Presenter, Conflict Transformation Expert

After surviving the 50's and 60's, as well as twenty years in toxic academia as a tenured professor, Lorraine Segal was inspired to started her own business, Conflict Remedy (ConflictRemedy.com), happily offering DEIB informed teaching, coaching, blogging and consulting that promote workplace conflict transformation. She has helped over 2000 leaders in non-profits, corporations, and small businesses improve communication, harmony, and productivity at work. She is a contributing author to the anthology Stand Up, Speak Out Against Workplace Bullying.

Her recently published memoir called: Angels and Earthworms, an Unexpected Journey to Love, Joy, and Miracles, is about her own transformation from miserable self-doubt to self-acceptance, true love, spiritual awareness, and right livelihood.