Having Difficult Conversations
- Having Difficult Conversations Sean Leary 14:49
When to begin the conversation
For most families, parents will be in their 70’s, adult children in midlife
During the holidays or other special occasions
Start early, don’t wait for the crisis, decisions made under pressure can be difficult
Special note to those with no children/petition a trusted family member (niece, nephew)
Beginning the conversation
Thinking about the future of growing “old” when we are healthy is a good way to start
Don’t liming the conversation to just health, discuss all aspects, finances, our wishes for ourselves, end of life decisions….keep these conversations ongoing
Complexities as we get older, prone to scams, families living further apart, etc…
Resistance to asking for help, normal…
Readiness, lack of models, facing an unwelcome life stage
Purposeful conversations: Between parents and adult children can be challenging, but equally important. Family meetings can help develop common goals and create a plan that guides decision making. Here are some suggestions on how to get the conversation started.
Parents (Aging) take the lead
Parents (aging) can consider this a partnership with the adult child
Adult children can express their feelings, ask questions, what can adult children offer with their skills and areas of interest.
Discussions need to include finances, housing needs, health, end of life wishes
Consider taking “meeting minutes” then distribute to the involved parties
Long distance communications made easy now with zoom/skype meeting
Goal is to develop a plan to convey wishes….update as circumstances change
Why is this so hard?
Financial affairs are a private matter,
Family dynamics, not first marriage, blended families
Facing increased medical expenses
Death expenses are very costly, $10K plus, people don’t want to discuss death
Wills/Estate plans can be complex
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