This past week, my family had a very unexpected death. It is amazing how much difference two hours can make. After going through many emotions, sleepless nights, and anger, I realize that there is so much to be appreciative of, and to grieve.

There is a relationship to grieve. While the soul is gone from the body, it is the presence of the person, the consciousness, that I mourn.

I miss the humor.

I miss the advice.

I miss the laugh.

I miss watching the kids with the individual.

After crying initially, I have gone through periods of irritability, numbness, and awareness of it all.

We, as physicians, grieve daily. We grieve our patients. We grieve losing colleagues to suicide. We grieve scope creep. We grieve the loss of the art of medicine with forces outside of the exam room telling us how to practice [directly and indirectly]— insurance companies, etc.

The reason I started this podcast was to grieve the death of fellow physician, Dr. Peg Bicker, MD. I had no idea the statistics for physician suicide or burnout. I had questions. Again, I miss the humor. I miss the advice. I miss the laugh. I miss not being able to watch the kids with Peg.

Originally Published on https://www.theworthyphysician.com/blog

Sapna Shah-Haque Internal Medicine Physician

Dr. Sapna Shah-Haque, MD is a board certified Internal Medicine physician. She was born and raised in Kansas, and attended medical school at the University of Kansas [KU] School of Medicine. She completed her Internal Medicine residency at KU-Wichita as well. After experiencing burnout herself, and watching other physician colleagues burn out, it became a passion of hers to look into different aspects of burnout. While the system does need to change, as it is broken, this podcast is a way to reach physicians and possibly shed light on what is not an isolated situation.