Retired and Ready to Rumble: A Hilarious Account of a Trip to the Grand Opening of Aldi
I recently retired and found my productivity quickly went from 110% to barely hitting 8% on a good day. In all fairness, I contracted COVID two days after Packing up my desk and spent the next four in bed. The first time I had COVID in December of 2020, before I was eligible for a vaccine, my only symptom was back pain. At that time I was put through a myriad of tests—from peeing in a cup to be sure I didn’t have a UTI, to a PET scan to check for a reoccurrence of lymphoma—only to discover it wasn’t The Big C thankfully, but The Big C-O-V-I-D. This Christmas, despite being a human pin cushion from the flu shot, pneumonia shot, two shingles shots, and all my COVID boosters, I got it again. Bad. I had every symptom imaginable from the new strain—fever, chills, sore throat, muscle aches, vomiting, diarrhea, and dry eyes. I was so tired I could barely spend the 10 hours necessary to binge-watch the third season of Emily in Paris on Netflix. I quarantined for five days, therefore missing two family gatherings, one Retirement party, my husband’s company holiday dinner, and lunch with a friend. The good news is that it was the first holiday I didn’t gain weight. The bad news is all of the laying around in my pajamas, dozing with the TV remote in hand, set the tone for my new schedule.
As I complained about bedsores to my dear friend, Marianne mentioned she’d heard a new Aldi store was opening near Hilton Head and they were giving away free goodies and a chance to win $500 to the first 100 customers. I complained that I would have to get there well before opening in order to be one of the early birds to catch the proverbial worm.
Marianne reminded me, “What else do you have to do? You’re retired!”
Good point.
Plus, now that I’m retired, our income has been cut by one-third. Shopping at Aldi is good when two dozen eggs at other stores now cost as much as my first car. One thing I’ve discovered since receiving my final direct deposit is that I’ve traded places with my frugal husband. I’m the one turning off all of the lights, eating the potato chip crumbs, spending hours cutting digital coupons, and now apparently standing in line for an off-brand package of Cheez-It’s.
So for the first time since my last day of work, I awoke with the help of an alarm, dressed, put on makeup (you never know if it’s going to be a slow news day and the press will be outside of Aldi for the Grand Opening), and was on the road before dawn. I pulled into the parking lot hours before the ribbon cutting. Thank goodness my other friend, Marianne (from The Hip Senior), told me to be sure to take a chair and a book. The chair came in handy, but I didn’t need the book as standing in line in near-freezing temperatures wakes people up and despite the chill, they are very friendly. I lent the towel and gardening gloves from the back of my CRV to the women standing behind me that hadn’t thought things through. One had worn sandals and her hands were so cold she was concerned over her ability to grasp the free donuts and water distributed at 8:30 a.m. Both were from upstate New York and assumed it was always warm in South Carolina.
The hour and a half went by quickly and no one lost any appendages due to frostbite. I was #30 in line and guaranteed to receive a coveted Golden Ticket as well as a reusable shopping bag full of Aldi products. The ticket got me a free gift card and I was thrilled that the bag included cookies, potato chips, seltzer water, and a candle. I just wish the employees had distributed the candles at 7 a.m. so we all could have hovered over the little flames to keep warm. The ticket also merited me and the New York sisters an interview with the Island Packet. Thank goodness I had the foresight to put on lipstick!
At 8:45 a.m. with a little fanfare that we were unable to see because our portion of the line was wrapped around the side of the building, the first customers received their carts without having to shove a quarter in the slot. Can life possibly get any better?
I spent the next hour perusing the aisles with a hundred other enthusiastic shoppers, calling out “excuse me” as I tried to pass through the crowded aisles and apologizing for banging into no fewer than three sets of ankles. I filled my buggy with eggs, cheeses, salmon, toilet paper, and dozens of things I didn’t need, but most definitely wanted, including a Valentine’s Day card for my cat. At checkout, I was pleasantly surprised that after my $10 gift card, the $5 off coupon from the previous day’s newspaper, the total amount due for my four brimming canvas Weight Watchers totes, one large sack from Jeff Ruby’s Restaurants, two Harris Teeter wine bags that conveniently held canned goods (I refuse to buy cheap wine) not to mention my free bag from Aldi, was just $128.00!
Therefore, as usual, Marianne was right. You can afford to wait in the dark, and cold for the grand opening of Aldi, because as a retiree on a budget, you can no longer afford much else.
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