If life lessons could fit on a T-shirt, by now I’d need a whole dresser full of them. As I round the corner in 50, I know every gray hair I cover (my whole head) is a lesson worth sharing.

Drawers and drawers of reminders, mantras, and hard-won truths that I’d gladly hand down to my younger friends (and my younger self, if only she’d listened).

Over time, not only does your body change, but your external environment does, too. You start out collecting friends, but over time you prune instead. Confidence comes not from a job title (although some still attach their worth to it) and more from your sense of purpose on what matters most to you. Move your body while you can—Health ebbs and flows, and you don’t want to take it for granted.

I wish I had prioritized my own Family. I missed too much by showing up for everyone else—extra events, extra work, things I didn’t even want to do with friends. Looking back, those “yeses” cost me time I can’t get back. I’ll never let myself live down missing the Christmas Preschool sing-a-long for a rescheduled work trip. I am haunted that I missed the soft, pink and silver sparkle holiday dress on stage, the deer in the headlights look as the class forgot the words to Santa Claus is coming to town and the cheers when they did matching snow falling dance moves.

Forties are fantastic in many ways, a different stage of knowing and responsibility with all of the experiences creating a new Legacy for our core family.

Take the trip, plan the vacation, because your household will change, parents age, and the window doesn’t stay open forever.

Almost 50 looks different than I thought it would at 40—and these are the truths I carry into this next decade.

12 Things I Wish I Knew at 40 That I Know at Almost 50)

1. Your body whispers before it screams. Listen earlier, book the check up, find a functional doctor and get more bloodwork that your pcp offers. it saves years

2. Busyness is not a badge. Rest is not laziness, it’s fuel. You and your kids do not need to be in all the things, all at once

3. Friendships need tending. The ones who matter will walk with you through every version of yourself. Many will be pruned away. As I’ve been reminded, dropping off meatballs is not a friend. It is the deep enders that you need through this 4th decade.

4. Comparison is poison. Your pace, your path, your timing. Period. Companies or ideas blossom when we have the experience to back it up. Julia Child’s first cookbook was released at 50.

5. Money is energy. It comes and goes in cycles. Learning to receive is as important as learning to earn, creating structure that is different than your childhood patterns is the way to abundance.

6. Your kids don’t need a perfect mom. They need a present one. How many times did I say to my toddlers, I have one more email to write, one more ping to reply to when I could have waited.

7. Your career isn’t your worth. It’s just one container for your gifts. Hobbies do not have to be a career. Brain health is doing and trying new things like mahjong, new sports or reading new genres.

8. Your intuition is data. Trust the energy you are emitting to yourself first—it usually knows before your brain catches up. You don’t need everyone’s opinion to do the thing or not do the thing, which leads me to #9.

9. Saying “no” is a strategy. Not a failure, not selfish. Saying yes to what is aligned for you and your family should be when you have capacity. Modify to say not right now or yes & I can do it this way. I just sent my daughter’s teacher a note “I can be the room Mom if I do it alone.” I am Volunteering and Coaching with multiple people and the committee aspect is creating way more complexity than necessary.

10. Healing is not linear. Some days you’ll feel like you’ve backtracked—keep going. Dips are normal and necessary to regroup.

11. Living in the & has been the biggest nervous system reset. Guilt for feeling good when things are sad or getting a great opportunity when someone is suffering is the ability to hold both.

12. You will reinvent yourself more than once. And every time, it will feel like both an ending and a beginning.

Men are the the grey foxes, their experience worn with ease. Ladies, let’s start taking credit for what we’ve learned.

Drop a lesson you learned in your 40s…

Lynn Mull Holistic Career Coach & Author

Career Coach | Author | WellNess Advisor | Reiki Master
I offer Clarity through Reiki healing sessions, and Holistic Career Coaching and Facilitating Teams to professional wellness. I use various tools and methods to speak, write, and provide 1.1 counsel to move out of the stuck into the actions that help you or your teams reach their goals.I found my way because I had to create it.
As a working parent and a sandwich caregiver in my early 30s, I understand the pressures to keep going, provide for my family and prioritize everyone else’s wellbeing.

I looked in many corners and could not find one coach to break into my inner blockages and move my career until Reiki and a Career Coach got me there. We can be all the things to everyone, but first, we must get aligned and intuitively move forward for our own .