Oh No!!!! 6 conversation killers
We have all had this happen…someone makes a comment and the conversation derails or comes to a slamming stop.
What are some on these commonly shared statements AND want can you say to encourage conversation versus starting a fight?
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“I can’t believe you did that.”
This is deeply shaming. Instead take a deep breath and say,
“Would you please share with me why you chose that?”
This opens up communication and an important conversation.
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“Stop making such a big deal about this!”
Shaming/belittling/diminishing the other. What if you said,
“Wow this is really upsetting you. Help me see how and where this hurts you.”
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“I am done.”
Fear inducing. Try instead,
“We can do this better. I am going to take 10 minutes to calm down and then I will be back.”
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“I don’t have time for this.”
Diminishing/shaming
“I need to talk about this later after work. I can’t give this my full attention stepping out the door.”
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“Why do you always/never do that?”
Criticizing/Over-generalizing
“We need to find out how to change this pattern/habit.”
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“You’re just like your mother/father/my ex.”
Blaming/belittling/shaming
“I need a little time to lessen my frustration. I’ll be back in 10 minutes to do this differently.”
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“Shut up!”
I think you know this one!
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Learning how to move out of destructive conversation spirals is incredibly helpful. We can create boundaries and be respectful of ourself and others.
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Dr. Heather Browne PsyD, LMFT helps people recognize the power of communication. It is one of our most important skills that we have, and yet we don’t consider our understanding, approach, belief, and therefore, miss our possibilities. Living with a paranoid schizophrenic mother gave Dr. Heather a unique and powerful awareness that no one has the same reality, though we believe we do. Utilizing this revolutionary awareness has allowed her to transform communication within self and within all other types of relationship. This is the hidden key to acceptance. And this is her mission to share.
As a relationship expert, Dr. Heather Browne has worked with thousands of individuals and couples in psychotherapy. She is a TedX Speaker and Keynote Speaker. Her couple’s communication book, Speaking with the Heart: Transforming Your Relationship and Communication with Compassion and Connection, which offers readers a practical way to understand what it takes to truly communicate on a deeper level, not just with their partner, but within themselves, is now available in both paperback and Kindle.
. She is published in hundreds of journals, has an active YouTube channel, has been featured on ABC-7 news, was the relationship expert on KDOC Daybreak OC, and is published in Inc., Toronto Sun, Thriving Family Magazine, Light + Life, BRAINZ, Scary Mommy, and Psychology Today. She is a regular guest blogger for both Links for Shrinks and for Marriage Friendly Therapists. She offers a weekly newsletter packed with tips and techniques to improve relationships and has monthly workshops! Simply go to her website!
https://www.drheatherbrowne.com/
