My Valentine’s Day Tale of Feedback and Metrics Gone Wrong.
Feedback is an important skill but know how and when to deliver it is an important. I learned this lesson in my grade school in Queens during the annual valentire day card exchange.
When I was in grade school, we exchanged little paper Valentines and placed them on our classmates’ desks.
A boy named Doug S. gave me a card in first grade, and I was delighted. I opened it, smiled, and quietly enjoyed the moment.
All was good.
My feedback was simple, clear, and private.
The following year I received another card… and then the next… all the way through seventh grade.
That’s the year I decided to change my feedback process.
I turned around in my desk toward Doug, who sat two seats behind me, and said—within earshot of others:
“Thank you for the card. Do you know you’ve been giving me a card since first grade?”
(And yes… I smiled.)
Doug looked at me.
Then he looked around to see who was listening.
I didn’t get one in eighth grade.
The end.
So what did I learn about feedback from this sad tale of crushes gone bad?
What is the purpose of your feedback?
Is your intent to reinforce positive behavior… or, as in my case, to brag a bit?
Are metrics really needed?
Examples and data are often helpful, but sometimes a few simple words will suffice.
Have you chosen the right setting?
There’s something to be said for delivering feedback privately and out of earshot of others.
What do you want to happen as a result?
Did I really expect Doug to declare his Love?
Yes.
Think it through would be my advice.
The good news: this experience has served as an unusual—but helpful—thinking prompt in many work situations.
Humorous stories are excellent teachers.
Here are a few articles for reference:
https://www.forbes.com/councils/forbesbusinesscouncil/2023/02/09/the-art-of-delivering-constructive-feedback/
https://www.ccl.org/articles/leading-effectively-articles/review-time-how-to-give-different-types-of-feedback/
https://narativ.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/10/0mld5kms0ja.jpg
To find out more about how to use humorous stories in your work to guide and lead, visit:
jryanpartners.com and listen to the podcast series – Leadership StoryTalks by Narativ.
Don’t forget to check out my humorous and oh so true book -” The Learned It In Queens Communications Playbook – Winning Against Digital Distraction”
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Julienne B. Ryan began her professional career at age five when she did TV commercials and learned important things like “the teamsters always eat first,” her social security number and how to endorse checks for bank deposit.
Ryan studied psychology in college because she wanted to understand humans. She conducted her “field work” in a variety of roles, hearing the phrases “merger synergies, reorganizations, downsizing and rightsizing for change” more times than she cares to mention.
Later she enrolled in an Ivy League graduate school where she paid oodles of money to validate her prior on-the-job learning experiences. However, she did learn to name drop up-to-date theories and trendy psychologists with alarming ease.
Ryan evolved into working in “Talent Management,” a fancy way of saying “try to find people and keep them moderately happy.” With inadequate budgets and staff allocations, she had to find creative ways to encourage her staff to work effectively. These ranged from begging and borrowing resources, improvising childcare, telling stories and even giving snacks as rewards. She tried to convince herself that working a bazillion hours and “multi-tasking” equaled achievement.
Her work took place in cubicles, conference rooms or, with luck, in offices with a door. Occasionally she would make the time to emerge from her allotted real estate to really talk to people. Ryan learned something transformative in the process:
Yes, she was effective. But not because she used fancy theories – or gave great snacks. Ryan’s success, her staff believed, was a result of her uncanny knack for weaving storytelling with humor to motivate and encourage them. Crucially, they encouraged Ryan to de-emphasize “that normal HR stuff” and focus on bringing her unique storytelling skills to a broader stage.
Thanks to them, Ryan continues to collect, connect and tell stories in her work helping people find their “true selves in the world of work.
She is the author of the humorous, all true "The Learned It In Queens Communications Playbook - Winning Against Distraction!".that now includes a workbook and is available at booksellers across the globe..
She is a guest contributor to The Procurement Foundry, LifeBlood, and the global storytelling community.
Certifications include
Accumatch (BI) Behavior Intelligence
Narativ Applied Storytelling Methodologies
Collective Brains – Mentorship Methodologies