On Restlessness…
I don’t know what is the matter with me. I struggle to focus. I want to lie about, yet also feel deeply restless…
Sure, now 58, hormones play a part in this unsettled feeling. But it’s more than that—a lack of focus, of drive, of purpose. It hurts. It makes me feel heavy, as if there’s something I’m not digesting well.
And yet—I Love my Coaching. I take great pleasure in writing, editing, and helping people communicate better with themselves and with others. I love interviewing on my podcast—the learning, the sharing, the connection. I’m still as passionate about my water machine, about Electrolyzed Reduced Water and the online business around it. But… it’s a roller coaster. (Not the water itself—that was one of the reasons I joined: to get OFF the roller coaster.) The truth is, I struggle to commit enough to do the work that needs to be done.
Apparently, I am a “Projector” (Human Design). Corny? Maybe. But when someone kindly drew up my profile, I felt a tremendous relief to recognize myself so fully—in the ‘good’ and in the ‘bad.’ I work on invitation. Ask me to do something, and I’ll deliver with passion and purpose. But left to my own devices, I seem incapable of sustaining momentum. I get lost in all the things I love, and focus on none in particular.
With age, I’m less harsh on myself for what I once saw as a major flaw. Still, when assignments don’t come in, I am restless—deflated, frustrated, anchor-less. So I’m training myself to see these moments differently: as opportunities to stop and turn inwards. To not do, but simply be—without guilt. To trust that when I let go of who I think I should be, I see more clearly who I already am. And that being, in itself, brings answers.
The trick is not giving in to negative habits—not filling the void with eating or drinking—but surfing the wave and even enjoying it. Thankfully, old habits die hard, so I still get myself moving: to Exercise, to walk by the sea… (actually, I’m there so often I might turn into a fish, or a mermaid… or at this rate, a whale).
The upside? Restless spells push me into things I might otherwise miss. I devoured Navalny’s book Patriot. Not what I expected, but profoundly inspiring—a portrait of a most remarkable man. (More on that later.)
So what’s the antidote to restlessness? I don’t believe it’s throwing yourself into frantic action—that’s what I used to do. No, I think it’s surrender. Trust. Letting go of all the expectations—your own and everyone else’s. Breathing deep. Grounding into Mother Earth while reaching upward to something greater.
For me, it also means downloading onto paper so I can see what’s swirling inside. Not just in my journal this time, but here with you. Because this too is part of the Fabulous After Fifty journey: making sense of who we are, how we can be happy, and how we can contribute positively to the whole.
I’ll leave you with this thought:
“If you surrender completely to the moments as they pass, you live more richly those moments.” — Anne Morrow Lindbergh
Now I’d love to hear from you: what does restlessness mean to you, and how do you navigate it?
The post What if Restlessness Isn’t a Curse… but a Compass? appeared first on The Kennedy Connection.
