As I navigate through the role of caretaking my 94-year-old father, there are days when I feel defeated, yet I know this is where I am meant to be.
I am a baby boomer, born in 1964. As we are living longer, many of us, born between 1946 and 1964, and some in the next generation, are now facing the role of “parent” to our own mother and/or father, as our new norm.
At least 17.7 million Americans serve as Family caregivers for individuals aged 65 and older who require assistance due to physical, mental, or cognitive limitations. (NCBI) Older adults constitute the largest group receiving care, accounting for 41% of care recipients. (Guardian Life) The average Caregiving period is four years. Notably, 24% of caregivers provide care for more than five years, and 15% for a decade or longer. (Caregiver +2)
These are daunting statistics, yet it is the reality. As of 2020, approximately 53 million Americans—more than 1 in 5—were providing unpaid care to an adult, a significant increase from 43.5 million in 2015. (CDC) 58% of caregivers are women. 79% of care is for adults aged 50 or older. 76% of care recipients are aged 65 or older. Caregivers often experience physical and emotional strain. Nearly 1 in 5 caregivers report that they are in fair or poor Health. (CDC)
Caring for a parent or two means stepping into a role we are never trained for—nurse, counselor, advocate, and sometimes, emotional anchor. It’s deeply meaningful, but it can also feel incredibly isolating.
Imagine being on call 24/7, not for a job, but for someone you Love who’s fading. You become their memory, their strength, their voice—while trying not to lose your own. To care for someone is to give up pieces of yourself, your time, your rest, your independence so that they can hold on to theirs.
It’s like running a marathon every day, emotionally. There’s love, but there’s also guilt, Grief, and Burnout that no one sees. Without effective tools to manage each day, part-time or full-time caretaking takes its toll.
I’m grateful that my experience as a coach, along with my Master’s in Transpersonal Psychology and practices in Meditation and mindfulness, have all helped me in the demanding role of caregiver. I collected tools over the years, never thinking I would need them the most with a loved one. No matter how much I center myself through meditation and mindfulness, nothing has stretched my spirit and strength like the role of caregiver, going deep into my core.
The frustrations have brought out parts of me I never knew I could express, and not in such good ways. The guilt afterwards is heart-wrenching, yet boundaries must be established. My husband and I moved in with my dad, which has been a journey as well. The dance to find equilibrium started clumsily, but over time, we all have learned to step in sync. Not always in a beautiful way, but enough to appreciate what we are creating together in my dad’s last stage of life.
Last chance memories are what I cling to as my dad slowly slips away into a person much different from the man I once knew. The struggle is real for both of us.
There are many lessons learned and teachings that seem to come from a greater place somewhere in the universe. I get taps on the shoulder, whispers in the ear, nudges in the ribs, and ah, ha moments that take me out of the Emotions and into the heart.
I am reminded that life is short, relish the little moments, and celebrate milestones.
The Final Years
Sands of time
do not speak words,
yet we are aware of the message.
To watch the passage
of what was, anticipating what may be,
conjures up a feeling of
the space between as fleeting.
One enters the world
innocent and wide eyed, yet
the trials & tribulations brought upon
the spirit, withers a weary soul.
The path walked is layered with
perceptions and experiences
forming a foundation built
to sustain a way of life.
The sun rises, the moon sets
and so the cycle goes.
Yet the sands of time stays constant
with change as the inevitable.
The softness of a newborn
transforms ever so slightly
into wrinkles of Wisdom and
knowledge gained.
There is no end of times,
just a transition of one existence
to another, wings gained for
interwoven threads between worlds.
Sands of time has spoken,
the hourglass is empty.
New beginnings, new life
the journey begins again.
~ Eileen Bild
Artwork Credit: Digital Art by T
