By Jerry Zezima Medicine commercials give me a headache. Unfortunately, I have to pay attention to them because their products can either: (a) relieve my headache or (b) kill me. So I strike a compromise: Whenever one of these pitches comes on the TV screen, which happens approximately once a minute, I turn down the […]
By Jerry Zezima With apologies to Frank Sinatra, who is dead and can’t sue me, I am the chairman of the board. And I’m not just singing my own praises. After decades of failing miserably at board games, one of which had such a monopoly on me that I went directly to jail, I am […]
By Jerry Zezima The only thing that left me cold when my wife and I got a new refrigerator is that it didn’t come stocked with beer. But the cool part is that it doesn’t freeze food, as our old fridge did. And it is designed in such a convenient way that I can now […]
By Jerry Zezima If Steven Spielberg made a movie about the killer fish that lives in my house, he’d have to call it “Gums.” That’s because the aggressive little betta that swims in a plastic bowl on the liquor cabinet, which leads me to believe that it drinks like a fish, has no teeth but […]
By Jerry Zezima Because my column is the greatest thing since sliced bread, which still is not as great as cold beer, I have as my special guest today Dr. Sigmund Fritz, bestselling author of the classic, iconic and highly questionable book “On the Fritz: How to Spot a Narcissist by the Greatest Psychoanalyst of […]
By Jerry Zezima There is an ottoman empire in our house. That’s because my wife, Sue, ordered yet another ottoman. It was recently delivered and put in the family room to replace the old ottoman, which was not discarded but instead was pushed against the wall, making three ottomans (ottomen?) in the same room. There’s […]
The phrase ” domestic cat ” is an oxymoron. George Will Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God. Anonymous The cat is the only non-gregarious domestic animal. Francis Galton You call to a dog and the dog will break his neck getting to you. Dogs just want to please. Call a cat […]
By Jerry Zezima If you think your kids grow up fast, wait until you have grandchildren. I didn’t have to wait long for this revelation because my oldest grandchild is already a teenager. If that weren’t enough, she and my four other grandkids are more mature than I am. It was true not only when […]
By Jerry Zezima It does my heart good to know that my heart is in the right place (right now it’s in my office, where I am, too) and that I don’t need open-heart surgery. That’s why I was happy to have a heart-to-heart talk with a very nice ultrasound technician named Emily, who gave […]
By Jerry Zezima I am a man of vision — 20/30, to be exact. And my wife, Sue, is a woman of vision — also 20/30. So why can’t we find our glasses? Or keep track of how many pairs we have? Or use the right ones when we want to read, drive or watch […]
