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Posts Tagged With ‘ attitude off beat humour ’

 
Mergatroyd? Do you remember that word?
March 21st, 2023

Would you believe the spell-checker did not recognize the word, Mergatroyd Heavens to Mergatroyd! The other day a not-so-elderly (I say 75) lady said something to her son about driving a Jalopy; and he looked at her quizzically and said, “What the heck is a Jalopy?” He had never heard of the word jalopy! She knew she was old… But not that old. Well, I hope you are Hunky Dory when you read this and chuckle. About a month ago, I illuminated some old expressions that have become obsolete because of the inexorable march of technology. These phrases included: Don’t touch that dial; Carbon... Continue Reading

March 21st, 2023
Children and the Bible
March 14th, 2023

 Kids were asked questions about the Old and New Testaments. The following 25 statements about the Bible were written by children. They have not been retouched or corrected. Incorrect spelling has been left in. 1. In the first book of the bible, Guinness. god got tired of creating the world so he took the sabbath off. 2. Adam and eve were created from an apple tree. Noah’s wife was Joan of ark. Noah built and ark and the animals came on in pears. 3. Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night. 4. The jews were a proud people and throughout history they... Continue Reading

March 14th, 2023
Stuff You Didn’t Know You Didn’t Know !
March 13th, 2023

·        Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better ·        Coca-Cola was originally green. ·        It is impossible to lick your elbow. ·        The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: o   Alaska ·        The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% ·        The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38% ·        The cost of raising a medium-sized dog to the age of eleven: o   $ 16,400 ·        The average number of people airborne over the U.S in any given hour: o   61,000... Continue Reading

March 13th, 2023
How cold IS IT?
March 4th, 2023

We just had a cold spell on the Coast of BC. Now those in the rest of Canada don’t think that a temperature of -5 is cold, but in BC it is so cold that… The rock rattling around in your shoe is your toe.  Lawyers have their hands in their own pockets.  You have to break the smoke off your chimney.  You have to open the fridge to heat the house.  Your false teeth chatter and they are still in the glass.  Police tell a robber to freeze, and he really does.  Our words froze in midair and we had to put them in a frying pan to thaw them so we hear what we were talking about.  People... Continue Reading

March 4th, 2023
The shower
February 28th, 2023

 So, picture this, I’m on vacation with my family in Whistler BC and I wake up feeling like a sloth. The family had already hit the slopes for the day, leaving me all alone in our condo. So, I thought to myself, “Self, why not have a shower and start the day off fresh?” I sauntered into the main bathroom, feeling all Zen and peaceful. But as soon as I tried to turn on the water, I hit a major roadblock. The shower door only opened inward, and there wasn’t enough space for me to wiggle my way in to get to the taps. I looked at the door like it was the enemy, trying to figure out if it was... Continue Reading

February 28th, 2023
The Firefighting Hero
February 22nd, 2023

One dark night in Dublin, a fire started inside the local chemical plant. In the blink of an eye, it exploded into massive flames. The alarm rang in all surrounding fire departments. When the firefighters arrived on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fireman in charge and said, “All our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved. I will give 50,000 pounds to the fire department that brings them out intact.”  But the roaring flames held the firefighters off. Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became... Continue Reading

February 22nd, 2023
How Not to Write for Profit Ads
January 31st, 2023

Writing for-profit ads can be tricky, especially if you don’t know what you’re doing. It’s all too easy to end up with an ad that makes no sense and doesn’t even convince anyone to buy your product or service. To help prevent this from happening, here are some of the worst mistakes you can make when writing for-profit ads. Inaccurate Claims and Promises Making inaccurate claims or promises in your ad is a surefire way to lose potential customers. No one wants to be misled or feel like they’ve been taken advantage of, so it’s important to avoid stretching the truth or making any ridiculous... Continue Reading

January 31st, 2023
Some Dad jokes on a Saturday
January 28th, 2023

What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved. I’m worried about the calendar. Its days are numbered. What time did the person go to the dentist? Tooth hurty. I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes, but it turns out it was the refrigerator all along. What do you call a factory that makes OK products? A satisfactory. I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know y. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.  I don’t know what the best thing about Switzerland is, but the flag is a big plus.  Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? They just... Continue Reading

January 28th, 2023