Migraine is a fact of life for millions of people, including me. The National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke defines migraine illness as:

“A type of headache characterized by recurrent attacks of moderate to severe throbbing and pulsating pain on one side of the head. The pain is caused by the activation of nerve fibers within the wall of brain blood vessels traveling inside the meninges (three layers of membranes protecting the brain and spinal cord).

How can any rational person expect me to apologize for conditions generated by the internal reaction between nerve fibers and blood vessels in my brain? Who has that kind of control over bodily functions? Nobody, that’s who.

Migraine is a biological disease that is often hereditary. If anyone should be apologizing for my migraine episodes, it should be my creator, not me. Before I knew the facts about my headache problem, I felt responsible for my inability to participate in family functions and activities with friends. I worried about the impact of my disease on my career path, and I felt shame for the effect my illness had on the lives of the people around me.

“I’m sorry” was all too often the beginning of many sentences. I’m sorry …

• For missing work, even though I have sick leave available.

• For canceling our plans that I looked forward to as well.

• For my absence from your important event that I’m proud to support.

• For my lack of flexibility when it comes to mealtimes, odors, and eating certain foods.

• For time spent in a dark, quiet room away from the people and activities that I love.

I see my fellow migraine warriors out there, nodding in agreement. You know what I’m talking about, and you know the list could go on and on. It’s time for all of us to stop apologizing. Migraine disease is not our choice. Migraine is a legitimate medical condition, and we are doing our best to live with it.

Now that I see my migraine disorder for what it truly is, I assure you my days of apologizing are over. Migraine is a recurrent, episodic, neurological disorder for which there is no cure. The best I can do is manage life with my illness in a way that minimizes its impact on me and the people around me.

Don’t expect miracles from me though. No matter how good I am at controlling exposure to my triggers, episodes will still occur. I do what I can to apply my treatment plan and minimize the impact my illness has on your life, but you will have a choice to make. You can either accept the facts of migraine disease and help me, or you can get out of my way. Don’t expect an apology from me. I know better.

There is no shame in migraine illness. I didn’t choose to have migraine disease. I was born this way. I do have choices though. I choose to own who I am, migraines and all. I choose to fight back with forgiveness, knowledge, and a treatment plan. Education leads to understanding, and understanding leads to empathy. Forgive yourself and develop a team of support to help you through the rough times.

Migraine warriors are strong, courageous, and worthy of respect and support. Let’s stop apologizing and start educating.

Tap into a community of fellow migraineurs on Facebook. Learn, share, and connect in our Migraine Support Community.

Originally published at WebMD.com on 12-29-23.

Originally Published on https://www.tammyhader.com/

Tammy Hader Author

Tammy Hader possesses no official, academic writer’s pedigree. With a BBA in accounting from Wichita State University, her history resides in numbers. After a 30-year accounting career, Tammy reinvented herself as a writer in 2018. She is an essay writer at Medium, BizCatalyst360, and WebMD. Tammy is an editor for the Medium publication Journal of Journeys, and she is a contributing author in the Daily Gift Book Series. Watch for her upcoming books in her memoir series. When not writing, she enjoys caring for her mom, cooking for her family, and serving her two rescue kitties with the royal attention they deserve.