The 2022 Nobel Physics Laureate Dr. John Clauser slammed the ‘climate emergency’ narrative as a “dangerous corruption of science that threatens the world’s Economy and the well-being of billions of people”. Inevitably, the punishments have begun. A talk that Dr. Clauser was due to give to the International Monetary Fund [IMF] on climate models has been abruptly cancelled, and the page announcing the event removed from the IMF site.

Good morning.

Kristalina Georgieva, Gita Gopinath, Antoinette Sayeh, Kenji Okamura, Bo Li, Pierre-Oliver Gourinchas, Tobias Adrian, Abebe Aemro Selassie, Krishna, Srinivasan, Alfred Kammer, other distinguished members of the IMF, members of the International Panel on Climate Change (IPCC), the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, and the guy in the tinfoil hat listening to this from his mother’s basement, thank you for inviting me and thank you for being here.

In light of the climate calamity facing all of humankind, I’ll get right to the point: I need Money. I haven’t sold a movie ticket since 2006. My house is sucking energy like faster than illegal aliens cross the southern border. Tipper is still collecting alimony. My kids won’t talk to me because I can’t afford to give them an allowance anymore. And I need funding to pay someone to invent something new so I can claim I did it.

That’s why Chilly Willy and I are teaming up on a new animated feature film called, An Inconvenient Ruse. With a co-starring role going to Maxie the Polar Bear, we’re going to perpetuate the fallacy that people who live in relatively free first-world countries— but not in China, India, Russia, and other places in which people are starving, economically depressed, and barely surviving — are causing populations of penguins and polar bears to shrink because they’re causing climate change. The budget for the film is about $5 million. But I’ll need at least 100 times that much for, you know … uh … marketing and stuff. The last thing I need is another box-office bomb like An Inconvenient Sequel: Truth to Power. Neither my electricity budget at home nor my ego could take that.

And I have a request to make of all of you: Please don’t pay attention to quacks like John Clauser. It’s people like him who give science a bad name by refusing to believe it can be settled. Aside from the fact that they’re perpetuating my fraud, the IPCC is doing some of the most important work on our climate-changing planet. Climate change has nothing to do with the sun or the dynamism of the earth. It’s entirely caused by people, present company excepted, of course. And the only way we’re going to save the planet is by destroying it with solar panels, wind farms, and EVs, and the raping of the earth with slave labor to mine the minerals and rare earth elements for all the batteries we’ll never be able to produce in time to see our utopian schemes to fruition. So, keep up the good work.

In closing, I leave you with the immortal words of the eminent humanitarian and accomplished climatologist, W.C. Fields: “Never give a sucker and even break or smarten up a chump.”

Oh … and make your checks payable to The Inconvenient Ruse Fund, c/o me. You can also contribute to the film online at www.snookeredagain.com or call 1-800-ALGORES.

Thank you.