A Tale of Two Rows
A lesson about public behavior.
A couple of weeks ago, my husband and I went to a movie at the Jacob Burns Film Center. Our film was showing in one of the smaller theaters, and by the time we arrived, seating options were limited.
As I walked toward the front of the theater, several of us were searching for pairs of open seats. Jackets were draped over empty chairs, so people were politely asking whether seats were taken.
That’s when things shifted.
One man became visibly incensed. When a woman explained she was waiting for someone, he loudly questioned whether she was telling the truth—so loudly that everyone could hear. I watched the situation unfold and thought:
- This is not the atmosphere I want to sit in.
- These are educated, privileged people—and yet here we are in a verbal brawl.
Meanwhile, my husband had pivoted. He scurried to the very top of the theater, spotted two open seats, and began waving at me like a ground crew member at LaGuardia Airport 
.
The seats weren’t together, but the film was about to begin—so we took them.
As I shimmied into my seat at the end of the row, I turned to my husband and said, “Bye. See ya later.”
A woman in the middle of the row overheard me and said, “Wait! Are you together?”
Within seconds, she rallied her friend—and then the entire row—to shift one seat over so my husband and I could sit together. Every person stood up, moved themselves and all their earthly possessions, and did so without a single complaint.
Everyone was laughing as they moved together.
After everyone resettled, I stood up and said: “You are a credit to yourselves and a great example to the front section.”
This is life as it should be—or at least, as it could be.
Post-Row Analysis
Row #1
The angry man assumed the worst. When he raised his voice and became verbally aggressive, any empathy others may have felt for him vanished.
His tone put the woman on the defensive and triggered her own emotional response. Unfortunately, she didn’t choose patience or a calm tone. Instead, she matched his intensity—escalating the situation rather than diffusing it.
Row #2
The women next to me lived the motto: “If you see something—do something.”
They used humor and created a sense of esprit de corps. One positive call to action shifted the entire dynamic. Not only did my husband and I enjoy the movie together, but a positive atmosphere emerged:
- Conversations started
- Smiles were exchanged
- People greeted each other at the end of the film
That anonymous woman is now my public behavior muse.
Thinking Prompts for Navigating Angry Human Dynamics
These are questions I’m keeping with me for future public moments:
- What can I do to shift the atmosphere?
- How can I show awareness of another person’s needs or situation?
- What could I do to help?
- Can humor be used appropriately here?
- How can I acknowledge positive behavior?
- Who is best trained to manage this situation in the most feasible way?
Resources on De-Escalation & Managing Anger
- Managing Anger – NSW Health
- Crisis Prevention Institute: De-Escalation Tips
- Pollack Peacebuilding: De-Escalation Skills
- YouTube: De-Escalation in Action
- 211 LA: Tips to De-Escalate a Mental Health Crisis
Final Irony
The film we were there to see? “The Nuremberg Trials.”
A historic reminder of how individual human choices—both positive and negative—shape outcomes far beyond the moment.
#communications #conflict #De-Escalation #kindness #human connection #lessonslearned #learneditinQueens #angermanagement #courtesy #publicbehavior #managingbehaviors.
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Julienne B. Ryan began her professional career at age five when she did TV commercials and learned important things like “the teamsters always eat first,” her social security number and how to endorse checks for bank deposit.
Ryan studied psychology in college because she wanted to understand humans. She conducted her “field work” in a variety of roles, hearing the phrases “merger synergies, reorganizations, downsizing and rightsizing for change” more times than she cares to mention.
Later she enrolled in an Ivy League graduate school where she paid oodles of money to validate her prior on-the-job learning experiences. However, she did learn to name drop up-to-date theories and trendy psychologists with alarming ease.
Ryan evolved into working in “Talent Management,” a fancy way of saying “try to find people and keep them moderately happy.” With inadequate budgets and staff allocations, she had to find creative ways to encourage her staff to work effectively. These ranged from begging and borrowing resources, improvising childcare, telling stories and even giving snacks as rewards. She tried to convince herself that working a bazillion hours and “multi-tasking” equaled achievement.
Her work took place in cubicles, conference rooms or, with luck, in offices with a door. Occasionally she would make the time to emerge from her allotted real estate to really talk to people. Ryan learned something transformative in the process:
Yes, she was effective. But not because she used fancy theories – or gave great snacks. Ryan’s success, her staff believed, was a result of her uncanny knack for weaving storytelling with humor to motivate and encourage them. Crucially, they encouraged Ryan to de-emphasize “that normal HR stuff” and focus on bringing her unique storytelling skills to a broader stage.
Thanks to them, Ryan continues to collect, connect and tell stories in her work helping people find their “true selves in the world of work.
She is the author of the humorous, all true "The Learned It In Queens Communications Playbook - Winning Against Distraction!".that now includes a workbook and is available at booksellers across the globe..
She is a guest contributor to The Procurement Foundry, LifeBlood, and the global storytelling community.
Certifications include
Accumatch (BI) Behavior Intelligence
Narativ Applied Storytelling Methodologies
Collective Brains – Mentorship Methodologies
.
