Have you ever caught yourself thinking, “I should be over this by now”? Maybe an old fear or insecurity shows up, and instead of just feeling it, you feel bad about feeling that way.

Most of us were taught that hard feelings — shame, envy, anger, boredom — are problems to be solved or character flaws to fix. And when they don’t go away, we pile on a second layer of distress. But my guest today says that’s exactly where we go wrong. The goal isn’t to get rid of hard feelings. It’s to get more curious about them.

My guest is Daniel Smith, a writer turned therapist whose new book is called Hard Feelings.

Some of the things we discuss are:

• Why hard feelings aren’t problems to solve — and what happens when you stop trying to optimize them away
• Why shame is the master uncomfortable emotion, and how it often gets passed down through families in silence
• The trap of asking “why do I feel this way?” — and the better question that actually helps
• Why decades of personal work doesn’t make old anxieties disappear
• The hidden cost of the positivity industry — and how well-meaning advice can become unintentionally shaming
• What boredom, envy, and even anger are trying to teach you if you’re willing to listen
• The difference between sitting with a feeling and needing to shift one — and how to know which moment calls for which
• The Therapist’s Take: My top three strategies for getting curious about hard feelings starting today

Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• 224 – 8 Myths About Feelings That Can Sabotage Your Emotional Intelligence

• ⁠148 — How to Take Charge of Your Feelings

Links & Resources

Hard Feelings

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Amy Morin Therapist, Bestselling Author, Host of the Mentally Stronger Podcast

Amy Morin is a psychotherapist, international bestselling author and the host of the Mentally Stronger podcast. Her books on mental strength, including 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do, have sold more than 1 million copies and been translated into more than 40 languages.

She’s practiced therapy for over 20 years and she’s a sought after speaker whose TEDx talk, The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong, has become one of the most popular talks of all time with more than 22 million views.

Amy lives on a sailboat in the Florida Keys.