The former Merrill President is in the news, a g a i n , his bullying and severe anger problems trickled down loudly. At Citi, top tier women and some men are slinging lawsuits like Valentine’s day roses.

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I’ve mentioned his antics before, driving a culture of Growth at all costs. Now Seig is being sued for sexually harassing a female colleague. Where there is smoke, there are usually embers burning. I wish these new stories of executives behaving badly were abnormal behavior. We see misogyny play out on an international stage today, strengthening the bullies and bad actors.

After all, isn’t this the narrative we’ve been fed—from Disney to MSNBC? Bosses get results. Boards look away. Peers stay quiet. An egomaniacal culture overrides lived experience.

That ego-forward culture looks like:

• Being alone with bullies on calls and in conference rooms

• Being denied promotions you were promised, we are safer quiet

• Being treated like an infant in an adult world—where everyone is, in fact, an adult

Writing about this is both easy and brutal. Easy to recall how much I mentally suffered under his leadership. Easy, now, to call Andy Sieg the fuck out.

I lawyered up at the end of my time at Bank of America and decided not to sue Merrill in order to preserve my Retirement. That’s a story for another time—the Money of quitting.

For the better part of eight years, when he was CEO I felt insane.

A culture of manipulation and narcissism makes you question everything:

• Rereading emails for hours

• Waking up at 2 a.m. worried you forgot something (everyone forget things!)

• Bracing for public shaming on calls (often)

All while knowing deep down I was very competent. I had brought the then bankrupt Merrill sales executives back to life in 2007 as the integration lead. That didn’t matter.

Ladies, I’m (now 6’ with age) 6’1 in my bare feet. I’m hard to miss. Hard to forget with every merger team I traveled for. I worked at the same company for twenty years.

And still, I’d get the silent treatment for a few senior leaders. Don’t speak unless spoken to.

Energetically, I carried the weight of being “wrong” in my core. Fear lived in my body. His henchwoman would stir chaos in meetings, creating hurricane swirls of drama and, at times, ethically questionable process changes designed to favor top producers.

You know the toxic type…
Sweet as pie or completely unhinged.
Normal or off the rails.

Which version would show up today? The one who belittled me or the one who took credit for my work?

Practically, I was up against impossible expectations. My problem-solving working hours were extreme. Like an on-call physician, I swatted problems all day long, Karate Kid–style, retying my headband and getting back in the ring.

Emotionally, (yes work tugs at your emotions) I was constantly hitting deep lows.

Did I say the wrong thing?
Did I imagine that comment at my expense?
Do I really have to listen to these sexist jokes?

My inner people-pleaser would rise like a phoenix. But not for my benefit. I rose to survive, not to thrive.

What makes this harder is that I know work doesn’t have to feel this way.

My foundation was built under one of the best leaders of all time: Jack Welch. Even at 22, working in Welch’s world, I felt smart, seen, and supported. Work environments can be demanding without being dehumanizing. Leadership is not the same thing as oligarchy.

So how did I move from living under someone else’s severe anger to a deep, embodied knowing?

I become quieter.
I toughening up.
I stopped pretending it didn’t affect me.

My blood work said otherwise, cortisol at astronomical levels.

It was by reclaiming my nervous system, my intuition, and my sense of self inside the reality of working. It took me fives years to retire from the Bank.

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4 ways I found peace and still work in a toxic environment:

1. Stop gaslighting your body.
   If your stomach drops before meetings, if your chest tightens when someone’s name appears on your screen- that’s data. Peace begins when you trust your somatic signals more than the corporate narrative.

   

2. Build internal safety before external change.
   You don’t need to quit tomorrow to reclaim yourself today. Practices like parts work (IFS), visualization, and nervous system regulation help you stop outsourcing your worth to volatile leaders while you plan your next move.

3. Tell the truth to yourself first!
   Naming what’s happening breaks the spell. Whether you stay, leave, or lawyer up, Clarity is peace. Silence is what keeps abusive systems alive.

   

4. Decide what you really need & want.

   Staying, going, changing teams or companies.

You can want meaningful work & emotional safety.
You can be ambitious & calm.
You can build a career without sacrificing your sanity.

That’s not weakness.
That’s leadership.

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Lynn Mull Holistic Career Coach & Author

Career Coach | Author | WellNess Advisor | Reiki Master
I offer Clarity through Reiki healing sessions, and Holistic Career Coaching and Facilitating Teams to professional wellness. I use various tools and methods to speak, write, and provide 1.1 counsel to move out of the stuck into the actions that help you or your teams reach their goals.I found my way because I had to create it.
As a working parent and a sandwich caregiver in my early 30s, I understand the pressures to keep going, provide for my family and prioritize everyone else’s wellbeing.

I looked in many corners and could not find one coach to break into my inner blockages and move my career until Reiki and a Career Coach got me there. We can be all the things to everyone, but first, we must get aligned and intuitively move forward for our own .