Are you trying to advance your career, but unsure who to ask for help? Have you ever wondered if you need a mentor, a coach, or a sponsor—and what the difference actually is?

In this episode from the archive, Andy Lopata sits down with two giants of the mentoring world: Vanessa Vallely OBE (founder of WeAreTheCity) and Kerrie Dorman (founder of the Association of Business Mentors). Together, they dismantle the confusion surrounding these crucial professional Relationships.

Discover the “CCM” approach to support, learn the golden rule that separates a mentor from a sponsor, and find out the exact formula for asking a busy executive to mentor you (without getting a “no”). If you’ve ever felt stuck in your career, this episode provides the ultimate roadmap for building a “personal boardroom” that will propel you forward.

What You Will Learn in This Episode:

1. The “Been There, Done That” Rule: What is the fundamental difference between a coach (who asks questions) and a mentor (who shares scars and experience)?

2. The Talk To vs. Talk About Rule: How to instantly distinguish between a mentor who gives you advice and a sponsor who puts their reputation on the line to get you promoted.

3. The Myth of Age and Rank: Why you don’t need to reach a specific level of seniority to deserve a mentor—and why you are actually never too old to have one.

4. The Perfect “Ask”: The specific, structured formula you must use when asking someone to be your mentor to guarantee they say “yes.”

5. The “Personal Boardroom”: Why having just one mentor is a mistake, and how to build an “agile” formula of mentors, coaches, and accountability partners.

   Actionable Insights

1. Structure Your “Ask”: Stop asking people, “Will you be my mentor?” It’s too vague and demanding. Instead, use Vanessa’s formula: State why you chose them (flattery helps!), define the specific skill you want to learn, set a clear timeline (e.g., three 30-minute sessions over three months), and define what success looks like. Make it easy for them to say yes.

2. Turn Mentors into Sponsors: A mentor talks to you; a sponsor talks about you in rooms you aren’t in. To turn a mentor into a sponsor, you must demonstrate your capability so they feel confident putting their integrity on the line for you.

3. Audit Your “Personal Boardroom”: Do not rely on one person for all your professional support. Map out your current network. Do you have an accountability partner who pushes you? Do you have an industry expert who shares their scars? Do you have a coach who asks hard questions? Build a diverse “formula” of mentors to cover your blind spots.

SELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODE

Connect with Andy Lopata: Website | Instagram | LinkedIn | X/Twitter | YouTube

Connect with Vanessa Vallely OBE: Website |LinkedIn |

Connect with Kerrie Dorman: Website |LinkedIn |

The Financial Times Guide to Mentoring

Episode Featuring Vanessa & Kerrie

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Andy Lopata Author, Podcast Host and Speaker on Professional Relationships Strategy

Andy Lopata is a specialist speaker on professional relationships, mentoring, networking, and social media strategy. He is a firm believer that professional relationships underpin our success in business, our roles, and our careers. The right relationships with the right people can lead to new business opportunities, investment, collaborative working, innovation, and career progress. We just need to be comfortable approaching those relationships strategically, without making people feel ‘networked’ by us.

Andy has worked in the field of networking and professional relationships for 25 years, working with global giants such as Paypal, GSK, AstraZeneca, Wella, HSBC, Wembley Stadium, the BBC, and the Prime Minister’s Office of the UAE, among many others during that time. He has also worked with leading universities including NYU, Duke University, and Oxford University’s Said Business School.

A regular blogger for Psychology Today, Andy has been quoted in The Sunday Times, The Financial Times, and The Guardian, as well as many other national and regional newspapers and magazines worldwide. He has written or co-authored six books on networking and professional relationships, with his sixth book, "The Financial Times Guide to Mentoring," being published in Spring 2024. He is also the host of The Connected Leadership Podcast and has interviewed globally recognized names in business, academia, sports, and entertainment for the show.

Andy has been inducted into the PSAE Hall of Fame – the Professional Speaking Association Award of Excellence, which was held by only 21 other speakers at the time it was presented. He is a Fellow and a former President of the Fellows’ Community of the Professional Speaking Association (PSA), a Fellow of the Learning and Performance Institute (LPI), and a Member of the Association of Business Mentors and the Meetings Industry Association.