Michelle Cain’s journey as a caregiver began when her mother was diagnosed with Lewy Body dementia during the pandemic, a time already fraught with uncertainty and Stress. At 47, Michelle found herself in the “sandwich generation,” balancing the needs of her own family—her husband and two sons—with the increasing demands of caring for her mother. The diagnosis came as a shock, and Michelle quickly had to navigate the complexities of her mother’s delusions, the challenges of finding appropriate care, and the emotional toll of watching a parent’s Health decline. Despite a complicated relationship with her mother, Michelle became the primary caregiver, a role shaped by both proximity and necessity.
Throughout this experience, Michelle confronted not only the practical aspects of Caregiving but also deep-seated emotional issues. Her mother’s illness unearthed decades of unresolved resentment and anger, forcing Michelle to process and ultimately find forgiveness. This journey was made even more challenging by the pressures of the pandemic and personal struggles within her own family, including her son’s eating disorder and her ongoing commitment to sobriety. Michelle’s story is one of resilience and Growth—she openly shares how her caregiving role, though difficult, became a catalyst for healing and self-discovery.
Michelle’s insights, captured in her book “Did Mom Drop Acid?”, offer valuable lessons for others in similar situations. She emphasizes the importance of accepting help, maintaining a sense of humor, and recognizing that Grief and forgiveness are complex, ongoing processes. Her candid reflections provide hope and guidance for caregivers facing their own challenges, illustrating that even in the midst of chaos, there can be unexpected gifts and opportunities for personal transformation.
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** Caregiver Action Network Caregiver Help Desk offers free support to family caregivers via phone, chat, or email Monday through Friday, 8:00 am – 7:00 pm Eastern. Get answers, resources, support group info, or a listening ear. Visit www.caregiveraction.org/helpdesk/ or call 855-277-3640.**
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Known since childhood as “The Elliott Girls” or simply, “The Girls”, it makes sense that we work together to support our mother, and each other. Our trio begins with Jenefer Jane “JJ” who was and always will be “in charge”. She’s the peacekeeper. The responsible one, ensuring Natalie and Emilie remain alive. Next is Natalie, the middle child, who was and always will be Miss Congeniality. She’s the athlete. The rebel responsible for three babysitters exiting the summer of ’84. Then there is Emilie, the youngest, who was and always will be “the baby”. At 6’1”, she is the sensitive and quiet soul. The one responsible for the guinea pig that begged for lettuce and the stray dog we adopted from the bus stop.
After high school we went separate ways, from New Mexico to North Carolina. JJ would go on to get her Master’s in Business Administration and work in the finance world before partnering with her now husband, Dexter, to run a variety of businesses. Natalie would go on to get her Master’s in Social Work degree, and work in the mental health field, advocating for children and families to receive the most appropriate services. Natalie would marry and divorce early on but later marry Jason. Emilie would exit college early to marry and gift us with Owen and twins, Maxx and Natalie Jane aka “The Kids”. Emilie would later divorce and work with county government, focusing much time on caring for the kids.
The source of the sisterhood falls to Jim aka “Big Jim” and Connie, small town high school sweethearts married for almost 40 years.
In 2005, at the age of 52, mom would be diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease. She hid the disease for years behind dad’s 6’2” frame. The tremors and sudden inability to move were both calmed and steadied by his arm and simple presence. He was her rock. Our rock. Close family and friends knew of her chronic illness, but to the rest of the world, everything was “fine”. Life would turn upside down when our dad unexpectedly passed in 2011 of a massive heart attack at the age of 58. The assumption was Dad would always be mom’s caregiver but that wasn’t God’s plan.
Mom would spend the years following our father’s death desperately seeking a cure for Parkinson’s while trying to manage her symptoms. As the years went by, the cruel symptoms associated with the disease increased, negatively impacting her body while her mind remained clear and in tune. We lived our lives checking in to make sure she was “okay” but knowing the day would come when we had to do more. And then it did. The summer of 2019 changed everything. That’s where the real caregiver story begins for us. Little did we know she would be only the beginning of our caregiving journey.
In March 2022, Natalie’s husband, Jason, was diagnosed with head and neck cancer. From the first time Jason detected something off about the swollen lymph nodes in his neck, to the formal diagnosis, and the decision to move to New York City to participate in a clinical trial at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center, the journey would push them to their limits. The silver lining of his diagnosis was the cancer brought them closer to God, restoring their faith in Him while also experiencing a myriad of blessings through the kindness of family, friends, and strangers. Their story is a testimony that will inspire and offer hope.
