We kicked off fall sports at Friends University about two weeks ago, and this is always one of my favorite times of the year. The start of a season is full of learning: coaches are figuring out who their team really is, adjusting strategies, and molding a group into something bigger than the sum of its parts.
But it’s also when I see coaches overreact to typical early-season issues—especially around playing time and dropping an early game.
Recently, I watched a young, talented Coaching staff from another school go through both. Their team wasn’t as skilled as the opponent, but they were playing hard. Two moments stood out to me:
Frustration misdirected. There were several plays where their athletes simply got beat by better players. Instead of adjusting, the coaches lit into their own kids. I understood the emotion—been there myself—but the team’s body language sagged with every negative outburst. It actually reminded me of high school football when my coach had me covering a running back who later played in the NFL. I wasn’t fast enough to keep up. Coach got all over me, but the reality was I was being asked to do something I couldn’t physically do.
Postgame conversations. After the game, I overheard a coach in a heated back-and-forth with a player about playing time. The player compared herself to a teammate, and the coach fired back. I wanted to pull the coach aside and suggest tabling the conversation until the next day. In the moment, there’s no win for the coach—just damage that lingers. I know this because I’ve messed this up myself.
Neither of these moments will necessarily sink a season, but they could. Trust erodes quickly when frustration replaces perspective…especially in the emotion after a disappointing game. The more realistically a coach assesses their roster, the less angry they’ll get—and the more likely they’ll put their team in a position to succeed. And the less they engage in postgame debates, the better chance they have to maintain credibility and keep the season moving forward.
We’ve written about the three-minute postgame rule in our book and talked about it on the Beyond Coaching podcast: keep it short, avoid emotional overreaction, and save the deeper conversations for tomorrow. Those moments can make or break the trust a team has in its coach.
Things That Are Making Us Think
One thing that is making us EXCITED is that we are getting ready to release an ICP Coaching Online Course. We are likely having people start testing it out next week. All our paid subscribers will receive the course for free once it is ready ($99 value).
“The first responsibility of a leader is to define reality. The last is to say thank you. In between the two, the leader must become a servant and a debtor. That sums up the progress of an artful leader.” Max DePree
