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Photo by Abenezer Shewaga on Unsplash
Having a Better Conversation–even with a “demon”
How can you have a better conversation, even when the topic or the person is difficult?
Some key components I model and share with my clients and students are: compassionate listening, asking curious non- judgmental questions about their story, and kindness.
Chatting with a “demon”
Recently I saw a clip from the TV show Ted, which demonstrated these aspects in a skillful and hilarious way.
The scene takes place in a live action fantasy world of dungeons and dragons. Susan, a housewife from Framingham, Massachusetts, decked out in armor and a sword, approaches a gigantic fearsome demon. But instead of fighting him, she uses expert level listening and empathic skills to create a bond. How in the (fantasy) world does she do that?
Take a friendly, confiding tone, one being to another
She isn’t perturbed at all by his terrifying appearance. She introduces herself in a calm, inviting way.
“Hiiiiii, I’m Susan Benson from Framingham, Massachusetts. What’s your name?”
He growls, “I am Dra’hul from Hell.
Find a connection—something you have in common.
She either doesn’t hear the hell part or chooses to ignore it and asks, “Do you know Barbara? Are you also from the greater Boston area?”
He snarls back, “I was born in the flames of Hell and the screams of the damned.”
Show empathy
She makes a sympathetic noise and says, “That’s why I had an epidural.”
He seems bewildered by her comment, but intrigued by her empathy.
Ask curious, non-judgmental questions.
Susan asks, “So do you enjoy being a demon?” in an uncritical, interested tone.
Dra’hul pauses, then says in a far less certain tone, “It’s ok.’
Follow up with an empathic comment
With easy acceptance, starting to try and understand his story, Susan says, “It must be hard to have everyone hate you.”
Dar’hul is taken aback, “Yes, it is hard. No one ever asks how I feel…say what did you say your name is?”
“Susan”
“Susan, you are a breath of fresh air. People only want my power or my treasure. No one ever stops by to say hi.”
Turn an enemy into an ally.
Susan asks him another question, in a completely uncritical tone,
”Is that why you want to destroy the whole world?”
This has the potential to be such a loaded negative question, yet she asks it without even a whiff of judgment.
He responds quietly, “Turns out loneliness is the real demon.”
By the end of the conversation, they have shared laughter and stories. She invites him to her water color class. They are becoming friends, and, although this clip doesn’t show it, I’m sure he is happy to gift her with treasures.
What can we learn from Susan and Dra’hul?
I Love this scene. It is an extreme situation, but it amuses and inspires me.
If Susan can have a kind, learning conversation with a demon, and transform their interaction and relationship, then we can certainly try harder with people we know, even if they irritate us or we see them as enemies!
Lorraine Segal has helped over 2000 leaders and others in organizations and corporations communicate more clearly, transform conflicts, and let go of resentments. The goal: to create a more harmonious and productive workplace. Through her business, Conflict Remedy, Lorraine creates customized training and Coaching programs for non-profit organizations, corporations, and government agencies and Sonoma State University. She was recently named one of the top 15 coaches in Santa Rosa by Influence Digest. She is a contributing author to the book, Stand Up, Speak Out Against Workplace Bullying. Her latest project, a memoir called: Angels and Earthworms, an unexpected journey to love, joy, and miracles, is about her transformation from miserable self-doubt to self-acceptance, true love, spiritual awareness, and right livelihood. Find out more about the memoir here. Contact Lorraine through ConflictRemedy to request a free consultation for you and your organization or to sign up for her conflict remedy newsletter and blog.
Related blog articles and video clip:
Is Conflict Transformation a Hero’s Journey?
Video clip from Ted featuring Susan and Dra’hul
©️ 2026 Lorraine Segal ConflictRemedy
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