collage by Lorraine Segal Conflict Remedy
Conflict Skills Ruined my TV Watching
I am incredibly grateful for the conflict transformation skills I’ve acquired and the intuitions I have honed, that help me and my clients navigate difficult conversations, resolve disagreements, and clear up misunderstandings much more effectively and gracefully. But an unintended consequence is that it has ruined my ability to enjoy many TV shows and novels!
Murder as the only solution they can see.
A lot of murders in crime shows, at least on TV, happen because people are angry, or holding on to bitter grudges and resentments they don’t know how to process or release. Or, they have no idea how to have an effective difficult conversation.
On an episode of a German police procedural I watched recently: A young girl’s beautiful seductive friend is hitting on her father and refuses to stop even when her friend begs her to. The young girl could have told her mother what was going on. She could have talked to both her parents, not blaming the father, but asking her parents to ban the other girl from their place of business and getting them to talk to the girl’s mother. Instead, she murdered the other girl in the name of saving her Family, and of course, shattered both families instead as she goes to prison. One difficult conversation and follow up would have saved all of them.
In a murder mystery I read, a talented artist is murdered. by her boyfriend, who killed her because he didn’t know how to break up with her. Some practice and support around Clarity and boundaries, and he could have had the conversation and not ended her life or ruined his own.
Grudge>Rage>Violence
In countless murder mysteries on TV and even in real life: Being so angry at someone, holding on to anger and resentment instead of processing it. It builds up and builds up until they have a confrontation, arguing, then pushing the other person. The victim falls and hits their head and the angry person has accidentally killed them. Then, they run away or try to cover it up.
If they had realized the danger of holding on to anger and telling themselves a bad story over and over, escalating internally, they could instead have worked on forgiveness and letting go of the resentments. Then they wouldn’t have overreacted because of the pent up feelings. As I tell my clients, forgiveness is not about the other person and what they did, it is something we need to do for our own sake so we can have a peaceful heart.
Lying hurts you.
And if they did kill them, It would be much better to call the police immediately, be honest, and confess. It might even be seen as an accidental death, but the lies and cover up make first degree murder charges much more likely.
False assumptions versus curiosity in Love and life
In innumerable romantic comedies, both novels and movies, people make assumptions about the other person’s motivation and feelings. and then they are estranged or enemies for years. They think the other person betrayed them or cheated on them or only liked them as a friend, but they never checked to make sure any of that was true—they just ran with the negative story they chose to tell about what happened. If they had the courage to be vulnerable and share their feelings honestly, and ask questions, they would have saved a lot of misery.
You’re only as sick as your secrets
So many soap operas, reality shows, situation comedies, would be over after one episode if people only spoke honestly and kindly to each other. Crazy situations and lies proliferate and grow. I guess people who don’t know how to be direct might enjoy the validation that characters on TV don’t know how either, but I find it deeply frustrating!
Novels and shows can affirm good communication skills
There are many shows and novels that don’t rely on lies or foolish misunderstandings to create tension, build Relationships and have satisfying resolution. Those are the ones that express or amplify conflict transformation tools we can all learn from. And they are the ones I still thoroughly enjoy watching!
Can you think of some shows or novels that model good communication or what not to do? Please share in the comments.
Lorraine Segal has helped over 2000 leaders and others in organizations and corporations communicate more clearly, transform conflicts, and let go of resentments. The goal: to create a more harmonious and productive workplace. Â Through her business, Conflict Remedy, Lorraine creates customized training and Coaching programs for non-profit organizations, corporations, and government agencies and Sonoma State University. She was recently named one of the top 15 coaches in Santa Rosa by Influence Digest. She is a contributing author to the book, Stand Up, Speak Out Against Workplace Bullying. Her latest project, a memoir called: Angels and Earthworms, an unexpected journey to love, joy, and miracles, is about her transformation from miserable self-doubt to self-acceptance, true love, spiritual awareness, and right livelihood. Find out more about the memoir here. Contact Lorraine through ConflictRemedy to request a free consultation for you and your organization or to sign up for her conflict remedy newsletter and blog.
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The Rashomon Effect and Conflict
©️LorraineSegal ConflictRemedy 2026
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