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A Listening Heart

Active listening, compassionate listening, empathic listening, listening to understand, listening with the third ear, divine listening. These are all descriptions of the kind of high quality listening that can transform a conflict.

A listening heart

I just learned a lovely expression, a listening heart, from the Hebrew lev shomea. In a biblical story, instead of asking for riches, Solomon asks for a listening heart, or a heart that hears, knowing that would help him the most to become a good ruler.

How can a listening heart help you get unstuck and fundamentally shift a conflict?

• A listening heart helps you set aside your negative story and hear what is going on for the other person.
• A listening heart creates spaciousness so two imperfect human beings can communicate without accusations.
• A listening heart doesn’t hear an enemy but a fellow struggling person.

True conflict transformation is intuitive

Sometimes people think that conflict resolution is mechanistic—you simply follow a series of steps, say the right things in the right order and then get the result you want. But true conflict transformation is much more intuitive than that. It flows. You don’t know what the other person will say or how that will impact the conflict, but you trust your heart to listen and move your conversation and mutual understanding to a better place.

How do you know if your heart is listening?

• You’re not thinking about what you will say next or what argument you will make.
• You’re not trying to prove you are right and they are wrong.
• You are curious.
• You set aside what you think you know.
• You humbly recognize the only way you will know what is really going on inside another person is if they share it. If they trust you to let their heart speak to yours.

How can you start this different kind of conversation? It may feel very uncomfortable and unfamiliar to have a difficult conversation in this way. You start with willingness, not expertise. Let your heart, not your mind or your judgments guide you. Be willing to make mistakes. Trust the process. My clients and I have found the results can be unexpected and amazing!.

Lorraine Segal has helped over 2000 leaders and others in organizations and corporations communicate more clearly, transform conflicts, and let go of resentments. The goal: to create a more harmonious and productive workplace.  Through her business, Conflict Remedy, Lorraine creates customized training and Coaching programs for non-profit organizations, corporations, and government agencies and Sonoma State University. She was recently named one of the top 15 coaches in Santa Rosa by Influence Digest. She is a contributing author to the book, Stand Up, Speak Out Against Workplace Bullying. Her latest project, a memoir called: Angels and Earthworms, an unexpected journey to Love, joy, and miracles, is about her transformation from miserable self-doubt to self-acceptance, true love, spiritual awareness, and right livelihood. Find out more about the memoir here. Contact Lorraine through ConflictRemedy to request a free consultation for you and your organization or to sign up for her conflict remedy newsletter and blog.

Related blog articles:

Listening with your Third Ear

Divine Listening and Managing Conflict

We’re All In This Together

©2026 Lorraine Segal ConflictRemedy

The post A Listening Heart appeared first on Conflict Remedy.

Lorraine Segal Author, Presenter, Conflict Transformation Expert

After surviving the 50's and 60's, as well as twenty years in toxic academia as a tenured professor, Lorraine Segal was inspired to started her own business, Conflict Remedy (ConflictRemedy.com), happily offering DEIB informed teaching, coaching, blogging and consulting that promote workplace conflict transformation. She has helped over 2000 leaders in non-profits, corporations, and small businesses improve communication, harmony, and productivity at work. She is a contributing author to the anthology Stand Up, Speak Out Against Workplace Bullying.

Her recently published memoir called: Angels and Earthworms, an Unexpected Journey to Love, Joy, and Miracles, is about her own transformation from miserable self-doubt to self-acceptance, true love, spiritual awareness, and right livelihood.