5 Clues Your New Relationship is (or isn’t) Going Somewhere
If only they’d said so from the off
In the early stages of a relationship, it’s the hope that kills you…
You think it’s going well only to discover that, you were wrong, it was very much one-sided.
In the meantime you’ve expended weeks or months of energy for nothing.
If only there was a way to spot early whether a relationship is actually heading somewhere, so you could apply your focus better if it’s not.
Well, there is and I’m going to share the markers to look for with you.
How do I know?
Making new Relationships is very much my world, both professionally and personally.
As the owner of a small business, in the current economic environment, I’m having to double down on business development (which I do a lot of anyway) and making new connections.
In addition, as a single guy, I’m doing a fair bit of online Dating.
And as someone who has moved into a new neighbourhood, I’m trying to make new local friends.
The beautiful thing is that a persons’s actions often tell you a lot more than their words do; there are a myriad of ways we all act that, if you look out for them, will give you an honest reflection of how a person is feeling.
As such I’ve refined 5 concrete markers I consistently look out for to tell me whether or not a relationship is going somewhere or not.
Here’s the cheatsheet to spot a weak relationship
Slow speed of reply — it’s long been established that the longer it takes someone to reply to a message the more there is a power imbalance and they see the relationship as less important; reply patterns are so meaningful that law enforcement analysts use communication timing to map out the hierarchy in criminal organisations. My general rule is: if the other party hasn’t replied in 48 hours in a professional relationship (or 24 hours in a personal one) then all is not well; in fact it’s the thin end of the ghosting wedge
Low frequency to messaging — we all know that getting the sporadic message now and then is not the basis of a healthy relationship; it’s pretty much breadcrumbing and so it makes me wary
Limited content of answers —whenever the other party doesn’t actually answer a question you ask, keeps responses short, fact based, is overly formal or redirects into a more superficial conversation, the more I know something is off
Lack of questions or conversation starters — ever felt like you’re having a one sided conversation? When the other party doesn’t actually ask any questions or rarely initiates a conversation they are demonstrating that they want to limit the interaction and that’s not a good sign
Doesn’t talk about the future — all good relationships are forward-looking so if there is never an element of this then the warning signs are there
Nowadays, I keep an eye out for each of these indicators and pretty much every time I see 3 of them, I know that’s that 🤷🏻♂️.
It goes both ways
This isn’t just about spotting red flags in others — it’s a mirror too.
We’re all susceptible to these subconscious behaviours.
Which is useful to keep in mind if you ever want to understand how you really feel about a new relationship or the signals you might inadvertently be sending another person.
Take any relationship that you hope to be important and see how many of the above you are doing; I’d suggest that if it genuinely is important then you want to make sure you rectify absolutely any of them pronto.
Go forth and build
Building new relationships is not easy but it’s completely worth it so having a barometer to know the potential good ones from the bad ones should be immensely helpful.
In relationships, consistency is the clearest truth — it reveals everything words won’t
Good luck out there and let me know how the checklist works out for you 🙂
Having spent over 20 years delivering strategic change for the corporate and non-corporate worlds, Faris has experienced first-hand the fine differences between strategic success and failure.
His work has spanned numerous companies (from global behemoths to small start-ups), in numerous countries, across a range of sectors, supporting them all to unlock strategic success.
He came to realize that often what hinders institutions from achieving their goals goes beyond the quality of their strategy; it is their ability to engage effectively with others at all levels and remove barriers in their way. This has led to his passion for improving strategic effectiveness within all businesses and individuals and the foundation of Shiageto Consulting.
Over time, Faris has worked to distill his knowledge of how to solve complex problems in a structured manner combined with his skill on engaging effectively with others and his ability to quickly determine the barriers to a strategy's success. This knowledge has formed the foundation of Shiageto’s workshops, courses and methodologies. Faris believes that any firm or team can adopt these improvements; all it requires is a little of the right support -something Shiageto provides!
On top of leading our business, Faris is now an accomplished speaker and contributor for a variety of outlets.
