Have you ever wondered if anyone sees you? Like, REALLY sees you? I have. To be honest, though, sometimes I’m simply feeling sorry for myself because we disagreed and so “you just don’t get me.”

But sometimes I feel the dagger go in, like when I’m misunderstood. Or betrayed. Or the victim of an undeserved attack.

Two things can happen when I’m feeling this kind of pain – I shut down, and then I put up a wall. The “shut down” happens when I feel immediate danger, and the walls are for my ongoing protection. And sometimes that’s truly necessary. There will be people who are so toxic that continuing to engage with them would actually be foolish.

This is really hard to tease apart.

Recently I had a conversation with a friend who is walking through an extremely tough time (and has been for a while). After we talked she wrote this:

I am learning that one of the most healing things that can happen in any relationship is to be seen. Being “seen” is so much more than physical sight. It shows value, importance, and acknowledgment. Being “seen” brings life, validation, energy and motivation! Being seen means feeling authentically known, understood and valued.

I agree.

But if I shut down and build a wall against everyone … how can I expect you to see me? If I’m a closed book, too fearful to risk being vulnerable ever again, I never give you the chance to see the “real” me. Dangerous, that – could it possibly be worth the risk?

We must have boundaries, but it’s better to build fences (with gates) than walls.

We have to be careful not to just fight with one another when we should be fighting to understand each other.

And I actually think “DOES ANYONE SEE ME?” is the wrong question.

This. This is the right one. Because we never ever have to build walls (or even fences) to protect us from God – He DOES SEE US.

In fact, one of the many names for God is El ROI – which means “the God who sees.” Psalm 139 says this:

 You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.

You saw me before I was born.

I absolutely cannot wonder if God sees me. When I did a quick search of the Bible on this topic SO MANY verses came up (try it)! Once we really really get that, THEN we can talk about being seen by other people. If we don’t start there, we may end up fighting just to fight instead of fighting to understand each other.

There are “friends” who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother. (Proverbs 18:24)

My friend went on to say, “healing has not come from my questions being answered, but in being seen by those around me who Love me, and the One who loved me enough to die for me.”

Speaking of love …

There is no greater love than to lay one’s life for one’s friends. (John 15:13)

May we never forget.

Love,

~Angie

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Angie Clayton Author|Speaker|Storyteller

Angie Clayton is an author, speaker and editor who has a passion for connecting with the hurting. She is a storyteller, and her writing is rich with diversity. On her blog, Framing the Days, Angie shares with you the joys and beauty of both the mountain tops and the valleys of her life and the lives of those around her. Her book, “Peering into the Tunnel: An Outsider’s Look into Grief,” is a collection of real stories, as well as helpful suggestions to best serve someone who is grieving.

Angie is a long-time Bible teacher who is passionate about connecting with younger generations, and engaging with the hurting. She spends much of her time doing life one-on-one with women. Her speaking engagements include numerous in-person, radio and podcast appearances on many topics, including Grief, Grandparenting, chronic illness, and life after Retirement.

Achievements:

Angie graduated from the University of Kansas with degrees in Accounting and Business Administration, followed by her CPA certification

Personal Interests:

Angie and Greg, married for 36 years now, live in the Kansas City area, and they have two children and four grandchildren. Angie enjoys spending time with the grandkids, reading, puzzles and amateur photography. She is passionate about walking out life’s storms with those around her.

Contribution to the Community:

Angie and her husband were foster parents for a number of years. She volunteered for more than a decade at Camp CUMCITO (City Union Mission’s Camp in the Ozarks), which serves hundreds of low-income kids, primarily from urban KC.

Angie was recognized as “Kindest Kansas Citian” in 2003 for her work with children.

Fun Fact:

Angie homeschooled her kids while they were in high school, which was no easy feat!