In a heartfelt conversation hosted by Steve Gurney of the Positive Aging Community, 70-year-old Shelly Lohmann opened up about navigating widowhood, Grief, and the search for new purpose. Joined by
Brenda Footer of The Network (officially the Macks Jewish Connection Network.) Shelly shared how she transformed personal loss into a mission to help others—proving that it’s never too late to build meaningful connections and find your “people.”
Shelly, a New Yorker who has called Baltimore home since 1992, has lived a rich life filled with international moves, Family, and resilience. After losing her husband a year and a half ago, she found herself confronting
deep loneliness. “You never want to be the first and you never want to be the last,” she explained. Even with supportive couple friends and family nearby, the emotional gap was profound. “They don’t speak the same language,” she noted, describing how hard
it is to burden others while grieving.
Her path forward began with professional support. Shelly credits a Medicare-covered therapist—who happens to be Jewish, close in age, and conveniently located in Towson—with helping her process the fog of early
widowhood. “I can’t cry alone,” she said. “But I can sit and I can cry with her.” She also joined grief sessions at Baltimore’s Soul Center. Yet something was still missing: peers who truly understood this specific chapter of life.
That’s when her daughter—herself a young Widow—connected Shelly to The Network. “I met with Brenda, and she introduced me to the Meyerburg Senior Center and just helping me find my way,” Shelly recalled. About
a month later, she told Brenda there was no dedicated group for widows and widowers in their 60s and 70s. “I’m at the point where I’m strong enough now to do something like that,” she said. And just like that, a new community was born.
Brenda Footer, whose role at The Network focuses on engagement for those in their "Next Chapter," saw Shelly’s potential immediately. “Our role is really to be the engagement arm of The Associated: Jewish Federation of Baltimore,” Brenda explained. “We reach out and want to make connections… to create a diverse, inclusive, welcoming Jewish Baltimore community.” The Network operates through a growing team of over 45 community connectors—everyday people like Shelly who organize gatherings tailored to specific life stages and experiences. From young widows to grandparents, Holocaust survivors, LGBTQ+ individuals, Jews of
color, and more, the goal is simple: help people find their people.
Shelly quickly became a community connector herself. The Network provides a small stipend and budget for coffee dates, bagels and lox at her home, and other low-pressure meetups. “It’s not Therapy, it’s just social,”
she emphasized, “and everyone needs someone to tell their story to.” Already, she has met with 15 people one-on-one, listened to their stories, and helped them form new friendships. The experience has given her fresh purpose. “I’ve always been an organizer,” she said. “Helping others… that’s my strength.”
Reflecting on her recent trip to Morocco with a Jewish congregation, Shelly realized something powerful: “Would I be here if Jeff hadn’t died?” The loss, while devastating, opened doors to new Growth and service.
Her sister-in-law’s advice echoed throughout: “You’ve got to find your people. When you find your people, you’ll be happy… well, happier.”
Steve Gurney, who frequently discusses solo aging on the Positive Aging Community platform, praised Shelly’s courage. “I talk to so many people navigating life’s chapters,” he said, “and I recognize how hard it
is… to come out and build a new village and find new purpose.” He highlighted how therapeutic this work has been for her—and how vital it is for others facing similar transitions.
How to Connect with The Network
The Network makes it remarkably easy to get started. Visit thejewishnetwork.org and click the “Get Coffee with Me” button. A connector will reach out to meet you over coffee and help you find your place—whether that’s a grief group, a social circle, or one of the many affinity programs. As Brenda noted, “We provide our Connectors with a small stipend and a small budget to take people out for coffee and do
all those things.”
