Why does a small comment from your spouse sometimes set off a reaction that feels way bigger than the moment calls for? Todd Creager, a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with over 30 years of experience, breaks down what's actually happening when your partner triggers you.
In this solo episode, Todd explains that the size of your reaction is the clue. When your heart races, your jaw tightens, and you're three steps into an argument before you've decided to have it, it's rarely the grown-up version of you responding. Todd describes a protector — the part that goes on offense with anger, blame, or distance — and an exile, an older wound in you that once felt dismissed, controlled, criticized, or abandoned. He uses a familiar example: a partner forgetting something at the grocery store, and the anger that follows feeling out of proportion to what actually happened.
Todd offers a question you can ask yourself mid-fight: how old does this feeling actually feel? That question alone can change a conversation, because it helps you see you're not really fighting your spouse — you're reacting to a moment from long ago that just got pressed again. Todd is careful to note this isn't about excusing a partner's behavior, and it isn't about blaming yourself either. It's about recognizing which part of you is driving the reaction so you can respond instead of react.
If you've ever wondered why you overreact to your partner, or why the same argument keeps repeating with more heat than it deserves, this episode gives you a way to slow down and understand what's underneath it.
Listen to this episode to learn how recognizing your own triggers can change the way you and your partner talk to each other, and subscribe for more honest, practical guidance from Todd Creager on Love, sex, and building the relationship you actually want.
If this episode resonates with you, please share it with someone who could benefit and leave a review. Your support helps us reach more couples who are ready to transform their lives.
Check out my complete program “From Bickering & Escalating to Connecting & Loving” for more in-depth guidance: https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/loving-connecting-masterclass
Todd Creager, LCSW, LMFT
Todd is a sex expert and therapist in Huntington Beach. He provides relationship Coaching to couples throughout the world and in Orange County including Irvine, Newport Beach, Corona del Mar, Laguna Beach, Seal Beach and Long Beach. (714) 848-2288.
You can find more tips and resources from Todd Creager at: https://toddcreager.com Â
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