I don’t know why, but it seems as if many of the ads that show up in the games I play on my iPhone have to do with clothing made from bamboo. Underwear seems to be particularly popular for some reason — and sexy, if the ads are to be believed. I don’t know if I buy those ads. And I certainly don’t buy the underwear. But all of this got me thinking … and exploring.
Bamboo, it turns out, is the largest member of the grass Family. I know they make skirts from grass in Hawaii for luaus and such. But I wondered how fabric could be made from bamboo for underwear and other garments. I discovered there are two ways:
So, your options for making bamboo garments are to ruin the environment or to endure chafing. That realization gave me another idea.
Selling Cellulose
In an earlier post, I wrote about a surgical procedure I underwent in 1974. That procedure left me with adhesions, bands of scar tissue that form between internal tissues and organs. They can (and do) cause adhesive small bowel obstruction. In my case, those obstructions are caused by consuming insoluble cellulose, which is present in whole grains, fruits with peels, vegetables, legumes, nuts, and seeds. So, I need to be careful not to eat too much of any of those things, lest I pay for it dearly and painfully.
The fibrous strings on the outside of celery stalks are insoluble, too. They comprise bundles of collenchyma cells or collenchyma tissue that provides structural support and gives celery its characteristic crunch. While safe to eat for most people (not me), that collenchyma tissue can be tough and chewy, especially in older or larger stalks. Removing it improves texture and enjoyment, particularly in raw applications like snacks or salads. And that gave me an idea.
What if, instead of going through all the machinations of making fabric from bamboo, fabric could be manufactured from celery strings, which don’t require chemical treatment or mechanical crushing or grinding, don’t require forcing through spinnerets, and don’t require regeneration into solid fibers? They’d only require spinning, weaving, or knitting. Even Dying could be optional.
I can just see the write-up for my new Celeryware in the J. Peterman catalog now:
He sauntered into the party like a man who knew his way around botany, wasn’t afraid to show it, and wasn’t just comfortable in just his own skin. In fact, he wore his shirt as if it were a second skin, a part of him, almost as alive as he was.
The original Great American Celery Shirt was cut full and long. But his was shorter, tucked neatly into his elegant celery trousers, and darted trimly in the back to accentuate the hard-earned V shape of his masculine physique. Women swooned as he maneuvered deftly, almost imperceptibly, to avoid cream cheese and salad dressing.
Gentlemen, this is the time for real men to get their celery on. You can feel it.
Most plant-based fabrics — or vegan textiles as they’re more trendily called — are manufactured in China, Japan, Canada, the Philippines, Thailand, India, Bangladesh, Brazil, Indonesia, Belgium, France, Mexico, Tanzania, and Kenya. So, I’m going to put my Celeryware plant (no pun intended) in Flint, Michigan, to restore the jobs lost when the auto industry moved to Tennessee, Kentucky, Alabama, Mexico, China, and Korea. And since I won’t be processing bamboo, I won’t be dumping carbon disulfide, sulfuric acid, bleach, or dyes into the Flint River.P.S. Given its elasticity, its viscosity, its strength, and its extensibility, I’ll also be using gluten to manufacture wearable alternatives to spandex. That’ll give me the opportunity to employ even more former auto workers to pick the glutens I’ll need out of wheat flour.
Originally Published on https://www.bizcatalyst360.com/category/lifecolumns/notes-to-self/
