For a long time, I believed I was practicing servant leadership.

If a teacher had a problem, I stepped in. If an assistant principal was overwhelmed, I took something off their plate. If a parent was upset, I handled the conversation. If something needed to get done, I did it. I wasn’t trying to control every situation or prove that I had all the answers. I genuinely believed I was helping the people around me.

Then I began working with a leadership coach who challenged one of my deepest assumptions about leadership. Through a series of conversations, he helped me understand that my role wasn’t to do everything for everyone. My role was to grow the people around me, create systems that allowed them to succeed, and support them in becoming confident leaders themselves.

At first, that felt uncomfortable. I realized that many of the things I considered servant leadership were actually keeping me at the center of every decision. I was answering questions that others could answer, solving problems that others could solve, and carrying responsibilities that belonged to the people I was trying to develop. My intentions were good, but my leadership wasn’t creating Growth. It was creating dependence.

That lesson followed me throughout this past week.

On Monday, I facilitated a leadership summit with a corporate client. During a Coaching demonstration, the COO reflected on a series of conversations that ultimately helped an employee grow into a successful contributor who is still with the company today. He also reflected on another employee whose journey ended differently and wondered what he might have done differently. We then reversed roles, and he coached me through a leadership moment from years ago that still carries emotion for me today.

What struck both of us wasn’t that either conversation produced a perfect answer. It was the realization that leadership moments have a way of staying with us. Years later, we still remember the conversations where someone challenged us, believed in us, or simply created the space for us to think differently.

The very next day, after a keynote in Missouri, a leader stopped to share a different realization. During the presentation I had said that servant leadership is not about doing everything for others but rather empowering others to do for themselves. They admitted that the idea completely shifted their thinking. They had been carrying everyone else’s work because they believed that was what servant leaders were supposed to do. Instead of creating capacity within their team, they had unknowingly trapped themselves in the Cycle of Chaos.

Later in the week, I spent two days coaching leadership teams as they prepare for a new school year. The conversations weren’t dominated by schedules, procedures, or operational checklists. Those systems are already in place because we’ve spent the last year intentionally building them together. Instead, the focus has shifted to instruction, coaching, and how to make the first two weeks of school so intentional that they establish the foundation for an entire year of learning.

As I reflected on the week, I realized all three experiences pointed to the same truth.

Great leadership isn’t measured by how much a leader can carry. It is measured by the capacity they create in others.

That realization changed my own leadership years ago. The hardest thing I had to let go of wasn’t delegation or time management. It was the belief that if I wasn’t personally involved, I wasn’t helping. My coach helped me see that every time I stepped in too quickly, I stepped between someone and an opportunity to grow. Every answer I gave too soon was a coaching conversation that never happened. Every responsibility I reclaimed was confidence someone else never had the chance to build.

I think many leaders fall into the same trap, not because they want control but because they genuinely care about their people. They want to remove obstacles, make life easier, and support those around them. The irony is that constantly rescuing people rarely helps them become stronger.

Sometimes the most servant-hearted thing a leader can do is ask another question instead of providing another answer. Sometimes the greatest support we can offer is trusting someone with responsibility, building systems that allow them to succeed, and walking alongside them as they learn.

Leadership isn’t about proving how much you can do.

It’s about creating the conditions where other people discover how much they can do for themselves.

And when that happens, everyone grows.

Darrin Peppard Dr. Darrin Peppard

Dr. Darrin Peppard is an author, leadership coach, consultant, and speaker focused on organizational culture and climate, and growing emerging leaders. Darrin is the best-selling author of the book Road to Awesome, and is the host of the Leaning into Leadership podcast. As a ‘recovering high school principal’, Darrin shares strategies and lessons learned from 26 years in public education to help leaders gain clarity, find joy in their work, and walk in their purpose.