Hear Ye, Hear Ye! I declare a table for all people to have conversations about what housework is, what needs to be done, who needs to do it, and consider all life factors into those definitions and roles. I have just found myself a little frustrated that men get a bad wrap when it comes to helping in the house. Before you show up with torches to take me down, hear me out.
Men
There is clearly a discrepancy between what men think house work is, how it should be done, and who should be doing it. I take Grayson to swim lessons every week. I have been watching the female and male life guards and observing how they teach differently. Neither is right or wrong, just different approaches. Nonetheless, there are discrepancies in how the skills are taught and the priority on which skills get focus.
My husband was always great at bathing the kids. Honestly his way was better. But if I had insisted on my way, I probably would have just done it myself in frustration. He enjoyed it and I didn’t have to. When the grandkids came along he once again got excited to help with bath time. But to be clear, even if his way wasn’t better, I would have kept having him do it just so I didn’t. And that’s just it. Who is willing to help even if it’s not your way.
We Are All Doing the Best We Can
I took the time to read an excerpt from Sunshine Girl by Julianna Margulies (pp. 208-209). It’s a delicate apology from her dad to her. It’s a perspective she had not considered. Some men are going to a job they don’t like everyday just to continue to provide. They Love seeing their families happy and taken care of. That job they endure provides that Lifestyle. And then on top of that their partner is saying they don’t do enough around the house. They are constantly being put on the defensive about “doing enough.” And I get it about the invisible load and Anxiety over our homes ladies. But if he says “Just tell me what to do.” Just tell him. He’s in his own minutiae and may not see what needs to be done around the house.
I want to see spouses working together to take care of their home. I believe both parties need to give 100%. Based on your careers and life circumstances it will likely not be 50/50. I want to see us seeking and valuing their perspective, their methods, and trying to learn from them too. Only have this expectation for yourself. You are only in control of you. Cherish the men in your life while you have them and Happy Father’s Day!!
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