Have you noticed your partner acting differently but they tell you you're imagining things? You might be dealing with something more than just infidelity.
In this episode, Todd talks about what happens when someone who's cheated uses gaslighting to avoid taking responsibility. He walks through the specific tactics unfaithful partners use—from denying obvious behavior changes to minimizing what actually happened.
Todd explains how gaslighting works as a protective mechanism for the person who betrayed. They might tell you you're overreacting when you notice they're staying late at work. They might change their phone password and then say “Why don't you trust me?” They might even suggest you need Therapy for being suspicious. The person who betrayed often uses these tactics because they don't want to face their own shame or lose their Family.
From his three decades working with couples, Todd describes the “drip method”—where someone admits to one thing but leaves out critical details. You find out about a one-night stand, then discover months of text messages that led up to it. The person who betrayed rewrites events to make themselves look better, sometimes even claiming they were the victim of someone else's aggression.
If you're constantly questioning yourself or thinking “what's wrong with me?” around your partner, you may be experiencing gaslighting. Todd covers the most common gaslighting strategies: denying the obvious, reversing blame, rewriting what happened, and using anger to shut down your questions. These tactics can make the betrayed partner feel unstable and disoriented—even before they know about the infidelity.
This episode is for anyone who's noticed changes in their relationship and gotten defensive responses when they bring it up. Todd's approach is straightforward: name what's happening, step out of self-blame, and recognize these patterns for what they are.
Listen if you're trying to make sense of confusing responses from your partner or want to understand the connection between cheating and manipulation.
If this episode resonates with you, please share it with someone who could benefit and leave a review. Your support helps us reach more couples who are ready to transform their lives.
Check out my complete program “From Bickering & Escalating to Connecting & Loving” for more in-depth guidance: https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/loving-connecting-masterclass
Todd Creager, LCSW, LMFT
Todd is a sex expert and therapist in Huntington Beach. He provides relationship Coaching to couples throughout the world and in Orange County including Irvine, Newport Beach, Corona del Mar, Laguna Beach, Seal Beach and Long Beach. (714) 848-2288.
You can find more tips and resources from Todd Creager at: https://toddcreager.com
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