I remember a conversation with a school leader not long ago that has stayed with me. It wasn’t dramatic.There was no crisis unfolding in real time. No angry phone call. No emergency meeting.
Just a quiet pause.
She leaned back in her chair, exhaled, and said,
“I don’t even know why I’m so tired. I just feel like I’m always on.”
She wasn’t failing. She wasn’t disengaged. She wasn’t checked out.She was doing everything she knew how to do.
And yet, something felt off.
As we talked, her story started to sound familiar—not just to me, but to just about every leader I’ve worked with over the years. It wasn’t one bad week or one tough situation. It was the pattern of her days.
That’s when it hit me again:
Most leaders aren’t overwhelmed because they lack skill or passion.
They’re overwhelmed because they’re stuck in a cycle of chaos they don’t know how to interrupt.
When leaders talk about chaos, they often describe it as something temporary.
“This is just a busy season.”
“Things will calm down after this week.”
“Once we get through this…”
But for many leaders, chaos isn’t the exception.
It’s the system.
Over time, I’ve come to see this pattern show up again and again. It’s not random. It’s not about poor leadership. It’s a cycle—and once you’re in it, it feeds itself.
I call it the Cycle of C.H.A.O.S.
Most leaders don’t start their day intending to react to everything.
But before they know it, their calendar is hijacked.
Emails pile up.
People stop by “just for a quick question.”
Every issue feels urgent.
Leadership becomes about responding instead of deciding.
By the end of the day, leaders often say:
“I didn’t get to a single thing I planned.”
Constant reactivity creates a second, quieter problem: mental overload.
Leaders carry dozens of open loops in their heads.
Unfinished conversations.
Decisions still waiting.
Problems they haven’t had time to think through.
Even when the day ends, the brain doesn’t shut off.
This is why leaders feel exhausted even when they never stopped moving.
When cognitive load stays high, Clarity is the first thing to go.
Priorities blur.
Everything feels important.
Nothing feels finished.
Leaders know what should matter—but they can’t get traction on it.
Without clarity, leaders stop leading from purpose and start leading from urgency.
When clarity is missing, leaders compensate by doing more.
They step in “just this once.”
They hold onto tasks they should delegate.
They try to be everywhere because it feels safer than letting something slip.
Overextension often comes from care, not ego—but it still has a cost.
The leader becomes the bottleneck.
The system becomes dependent.
The cycle tightens.
Eventually, leadership shifts from purpose to survival.
Success becomes:
Getting through the day
Making it to the weekend
Clearing the inbox (for now)
Reflection disappears.
Joy fades.
The reason they became a leader gets buried under the weight of responsibility.
And survival mode leadership sends leaders right back to constant reactivity.
The cycle resets.
Here’s the part leaders need to hear:
Being stuck in this cycle does not mean you’re doing leadership wrong.
It means you’re leading in a complex, demanding environment without enough space to step back.
Chaos isn’t a character flaw.
It’s a condition.
And conditions can be changed.
Breaking free from the cycle of chaos doesn’t start with working harder, managing time better, or finding the perfect productivity system.
It starts with clarity.
It grows through intentionality.
And it leads back to purpose.
That’s the work I care most about—helping leaders step out of survival mode and back into leadership that feels grounded, focused, and aligned with who they are.
If parts of this story felt uncomfortably familiar, you’re not alone.
And you’re not stuck.
Sometimes, the most powerful leadership move isn’t pushing forward.
It’s stepping back—long enough to see the cycle for what it is, and to choose a different way forward.
Before you go, I want to take a moment to share how grateful I am to welcome HeyTutor as a new sponsor of the blog.
If you’ve listened to Leaning Into Leadership Episode 254, you’ve already heard me talk about the work HeyTutor is doing across the country to support schools and districts through customized, evidence-based, high-dosage Math and ELA tutoring. Their focus on meeting students where they are—while removing additional burdens from school leaders—is work I genuinely believe in.
HeyTutor partners with districts to recruit, train, and manage tutors, delivering in-person and online tutoring that aligns to state standards and provides clear, accessible data on student progress. It’s thoughtful, intentional support designed to help schools focus on what matters most: student Growth.
I’m proud to partner with organizations like HeyTutor that share a commitment to clarity, impact, and doing the work the right way.
You can learn more about HeyTutor and their work at heytutor.com.
And make sure you tune in to the “Leaning into Leadership” podcast for a special Monday release, where I’ll sit down with my friend Dr. Frederick Buskey to talk about how leaders can manage the angry parent calls that undoubtedly come their way. Don’t miss it.
