Ever had a nightmare with a travel companion? This article will ensure that doesn’t happen to you again.

It’s been many a year since I’ve done a big trip travelling with another person. That’s why, when I was planning my recent 3 week backpacking trip round SE Asia with a friend, I had flashbacks to previous Travel experiences that had gone horribly wrong.

There was the bust up mid-hike in the Himalayas, the fallout over cocktails in a South American capital, the not speaking to each other whilst inter-railing in Europe.

Admittedly I’d been a lot younger in those cases but each experience had left me scarred in one form or another and as such I learnt the hard way that there are 10 key areas to address early on with any new travelling companions.

Allow me to save you the pain by highlighting them below; feel free to stand on the shoulders of giants and use this as a conversational checklist ahead of any future travels you may have be it with one other person or a group.

I should say that it is rare for any two people to make perfect travel companions; don’t let that dissuade you from travelling with someone. Travelling with others is infinitely more enjoyable and rewarding.

With this checklist you will at least have the foresight of knowing where potential problems may stem from and hopefully stopping them in their tracks before they become an issue.

Top 10 areas to discuss

1. Money — It’s rare for two people to have exactly the same budget or attitude to money. That is why this is probably the number one topic that travelling companions fall out over. Some people like to go large whilst others are being more fruggle. Some like to set up a communal kitty, others like to take it in turns to pay and some prefer that each person covers their own costs/share of costs. Some like to constantly give a big tip and for others, the word tip is not in their vocabulary — I can share some remarkable stories around each of these 😱. Whilst some of these behaviours might slip unnoticed on a short getaway, having an undiscussed mismatch on a longer trip is like having a powder keg ready to blow. As a minimum, make sure you agree how you plan to split bills, what level of extravagance you are going for and what your attitudes to tipping are.
2. Decision Making — People make decisions in different ways; some like to analyse all the information and think about it a lot whilst others are happy making a snap decision, some like to be involved in every part of the planning whilst others are happy letting someone else decide. With this in mind, it’s not just important to share your preferred decision-making style but also discuss any decision-making process you might use (eg. voting or taking turns).
3. Level of structure — Are you someone who can’t operate without a detailed itinerary or would you rather freestyle everything? These are two ends of a spectrum that invariably clash; as a person who prefers to go with the flow on a trip, I’ve often infuriated travel companions who like to plan. In my experience this discussion area often goes hand-in-hand with the need to discuss Decision Making as planners invariably like to be involved in the making of the plans as much as they like the surety of having plan; more than this they may resent the non-planners just cashing in on all their hard work. This makes this an important area to discuss
4. Pace of the day—It’s great if each of you on a trip are morning people and have the same energy levels but I’ve been on trips where the early bird has 4 hours of sitting around waiting for the other person to emerge. This makes it imperative to discuss: How early or late to start each day? How many activities a day you want to do? and How much chill time to bake into each day?
5. Time apart — A friend told me once about some Marriage advice he’d received from a priest; the clergyman had told him that for a successful marriage it was important that both parties agree what percentage of their married lives they wanted to spend a) face-to-face time just the two of them, b) side-by-side time with others and c) back-to-back time away from each other. The priest explained there was no right or wrong, but problems always occur when there is a mismatch so I highly recommend you discuss this with travelling companions (your proxy spouses for the trip).
6. Activities — Make it clear what things you want to do on the trip. I recommend running through all the biggest items and categorise them as: Must-do’s, Not-that-bothered by’s and Refuse-to-do’s. Don’t just earmark this for sightseeing or adrenaline activities, allow people to suggest other more relaxed things as well (eg. Spend a day shopping) and get each person to categorise as above.
7. Comfort Zone — One person may see a bungee jump as just a regular thing to do on a trip whilst for someone else that’s a bridge too far. In many ways those are the easily definable parts of a comfort zone, much less talked about are things like: how much weird local food you might try, how often you are willing to go off the beaten track, how much you might trust strangers, etc. Run through scenarios to help get a broad understanding of each person’s attitude to risk and their own comfort zone.
8. Food — For me, more often than not, food is the best part of any trip but there will be differences with any companion. Discussing things like allergies, cuisine preferences, level of spiciness, grab-and-go vs sit-down meals and how often to eat will not be time wasted.
9. Personal preferences — People just have ways of doing things that might differ to how you do things. Things that I have seen cause friction on trips include: people who like to read everything in a museum vs those who just skim through, people who take lots of pictures vs those that take none, people who chat alot vs those who stay silent, people who like to spend a large amount of time on social media vs those that don’t. Just get these out in the open, you’ll be grateful that you did.
10. Resolving an issue between you — Invariably you will fall out at some point. When this occurs it’s important to understand how each of you behave: What are your respective communication styles when there is an issue (do you go loud, become sarcastic or go silent)? How much cooling-off time does each person need? What’s each person’s preferred way to resolve the issue?

Believe me, if you discuss and share views around those 10 areas above, before or early on in your travels, you will be in a good place.

If you are sharing a room with someone else on your travels you will also want to discuss 2 additional topics:

11. Accomodation —Will it be hostels or 5-star hotels? Twin or a double beds? Who gets the bed furthest from the toilet? Do either of you snore? And so forth

12. Cleanliness and personal habits — topics to cover under this area would include: showering frequencies and schedules, toilet habits, frequency of changing/washing clothes, etc.

Enjoy it!

Ultimately travelling should be a joy and there’s good reason that if you can travel well with someone then they will likely be a friend for life (or more).

Just as you would take time at the start of any trip getting to know more about your companion(s)’ hobbies, profession, personal status, likes and dislikes, current challenges and more. Take the time to explore the areas above and you may just find that you make a friend-for-life a little bit quicker.

Even if not, you will certainly make the travelling a lot easier 😊

Faris

Faris is the CEO and Founder of Shiageto Consulting, an innovative consultancy that helps firms and individuals sharpen their effectiveness. Connect with him here

Success = IQ x EQ x FQ

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Originally Published on https://farisaranki.medium.com/

Faris Aranki Strategy & Emotional Intelligence

Having spent over 20 years delivering strategic change for the corporate and non-corporate worlds, Faris has experienced first-hand the fine differences between strategic success and failure.
His work has spanned numerous companies (from global behemoths to small start-ups), in numerous countries, across a range of sectors, supporting them all to unlock strategic success.

He came to realize that often what hinders institutions from achieving their goals goes beyond the quality of their strategy; it is their ability to engage effectively with others at all levels and remove barriers in their way. This has led to his passion for improving strategic effectiveness within all businesses and individuals and the foundation of Shiageto Consulting.

Over time, Faris has worked to distill his knowledge of how to solve complex problems in a structured manner combined with his skill on engaging effectively with others and his ability to quickly determine the barriers to a strategy's success. This knowledge has formed the foundation of Shiageto’s workshops, courses and methodologies. Faris believes that any firm or team can adopt these improvements; all it requires is a little of the right support -something Shiageto provides!

On top of leading our business, Faris is now an accomplished speaker and contributor for a variety of outlets.