In this episode, Ed DeVaney joins the sisters of “Confessions of a Reluctant Caregiver” to share his deeply personal caregiving experience. Raised in a competitive and close-knit Irish Catholic family in Chicago, Ed describes a childhood filled with familial connections and strong influences from his mother, who not only modeled the values of care and perseverance but also became the central figure in his own journey as a caregiver. When Ed moved to North Carolina for a major career opportunity, it coincided with the onset of his mother's dementia and Alzheimer’s diagnosis—changes that altered the dynamic of his family and thrust him, alongside his two older sisters, into the complexities of caring for an ailing parent.
Ed speaks candidly about the emotional and logistical challenges that came with balancing his professional Growth, the demands of an MBA program, and raising his young family while regularly traveling back to Chicago to help care for his mom. He highlights the family tensions, the guilt of missing pivotal moments in his children’s lives, and the difficulties of honoring his mother’s wish never to enter a Nursing home—a promise the siblings ultimately struggled with before acknowledging her increasing needs. Looking back, Ed shares honest reflections on vulnerability, the importance of asking for help, and the lessons this experience has taught him as both a leader and a father. Above all, his story underscores the universal challenges faced by caregivers, the enduring bonds of family, and the need for grace—toward others and oneself—throughout the journey.
About Ed:
Ed DeVaney is a Chicago native from a large, close-knit family. Growing up, he was a dedicated athlete, and that competitive spirit continues to drive him today. Ed has been married to his wife, Michelle, for 20 years, and together they have three children: Grace, Chloe, and Ryan. Their family also includes three dogs: Lakota, Lola, and Poncho.
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Known since childhood as “The Elliott Girls” or simply, “The Girls”, it makes sense that we work together to support our mother, and each other. Our trio begins with Jenefer Jane “JJ” who was and always will be “in charge”. She’s the peacekeeper. The responsible one, ensuring Natalie and Emilie remain alive. Next is Natalie, the middle child, who was and always will be Miss Congeniality. She’s the athlete. The rebel responsible for three babysitters exiting the summer of ’84. Then there is Emilie, the youngest, who was and always will be “the baby”. At 6’1”, she is the sensitive and quiet soul. The one responsible for the guinea pig that begged for lettuce and the stray dog we adopted from the bus stop.
After high school we went separate ways, from New Mexico to North Carolina. JJ would go on to get her Master’s in Business Administration and work in the finance world before partnering with her now husband, Dexter, to run a variety of businesses. Natalie would go on to get her Master’s in Social Work degree, and work in the mental health field, advocating for children and families to receive the most appropriate services. Natalie would marry and divorce early on but later marry Jason. Emilie would exit college early to marry and gift us with Owen and twins, Maxx and Natalie Jane aka “The Kids”. Emilie would later divorce and work with county government, focusing much time on caring for the kids.
The source of the sisterhood falls to Jim aka “Big Jim” and Connie, small town high school sweethearts married for almost 40 years.
In 2005, at the age of 52, mom would be diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease. She hid the disease for years behind dad’s 6’2” frame. The tremors and sudden inability to move were both calmed and steadied by his arm and simple presence. He was her rock. Our rock. Close family and friends knew of her chronic illness, but to the rest of the world, everything was “fine”. Life would turn upside down when our dad unexpectedly passed in 2011 of a massive heart attack at the age of 58. The assumption was Dad would always be mom’s caregiver but that wasn’t God’s plan.
Mom would spend the years following our father’s death desperately seeking a cure for Parkinson’s while trying to manage her symptoms. As the years went by, the cruel symptoms associated with the disease increased, negatively impacting her body while her mind remained clear and in tune. We lived our lives checking in to make sure she was “okay” but knowing the day would come when we had to do more. And then it did. The summer of 2019 changed everything. That’s where the real caregiver story begins for us. Little did we know she would be only the beginning of our caregiving journey.
In March 2022, Natalie’s husband, Jason, was diagnosed with head and neck cancer. From the first time Jason detected something off about the swollen lymph nodes in his neck, to the formal diagnosis, and the decision to move to New York City to participate in a clinical trial at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center, the journey would push them to their limits. The silver lining of his diagnosis was the cancer brought them closer to God, restoring their faith in Him while also experiencing a myriad of blessings through the kindness of family, friends, and strangers. Their story is a testimony that will inspire and offer hope.
