In this episode of the EZ Conversations Podcast, Furhan engages in a compelling conversation with Bruce Chalmer, a seasoned psychologist who has been focusing on couples therapy for over 30 years. They explore themes of betrayal, forgiveness, and resilience in Relationships. Bruce shares insights from his extensive practice, discussing the evolution of Mental Health perceptions, the impact of ideologies on relationships, and the complexities of navigating modern marital issues. The discussion extends to societal changes, the effect of Technology, and the significance of faith and curiosity in healing and maintaining healthy relationships. Bruce also introduces practical concepts from his works, including his podcast ‘Couples Therapy in Seven Words’ and his books on couples therapy.
Dr. Bruce Chalmer is a psychologist in Vermont who has been working with couples for over thirty years. His ideas have helped thousands of couples and their therapists through his teaching, consulting, and books. With his wife, Judy Alexander, Dr. Chalmer hosts the podcast “Couples Therapy in Seven Words.”
Dr. Chalmer is the author of three books:
Betrayal and Forgiveness: How to Navigate the Turmoil and Learn to Trust Again
It’s Not About Communication! Why Everything You Know About Couples Therapy is Wrong
Reigniting the Spark: Why Stable Couples Lose Intimacy, and How to Get It Back
Website: https://brucechalmer.com
Podcast website: https://ctin7.com
00:00 Welcome and Introduction
00:35 Bruce’s Background and Career
02:37 Evolution of Mental Health
05:45 Changes in Couples Therapy
10:43 Challenges in Modern Relationships
19:37 Navigating Betrayal and Forgiveness
28:48 Understanding Betrayal and Forgiveness
29:41 Three Steps to Forgiveness
31:53 The Role of Faith in Healing
34:32 Self-Fulfilling Prophecies in Relationships
38:00 Weaponizing Knowledge in Therapy
44:11 The Impact of Ideologies on Conversations
53:21 Navigating Complex Issues in Relationships and Society
57:33 Conclusion and Resources
Sponsors of the Podcast:
- BetterHelp: https://betterhelp.com/ez10 for 10% off your first month of therapy
- WeShape: https://weshape.postaffiliatepro.com/scripts/dcfogwyuk?a_aid=FurkhanDandia&a_bid=d7508fa8 for 35% all plans.
- Aura: https://aura.com/ez10 for a free two-week trial
- Plunge: https://plunge.com/ez
- Mental: https://getmental.com/ez
- NuCalm: https://nucalm.com/free-trial?/ref=ez for a one-week free trial
- Descript: https://get.descript.com/EZ for creating podcast episodes
- LeanWorlds: https://get.learnworlds.com/EZCONVERSATIONS
- Dr. Lewis Nutrition: https://drlewisnutrition.com/ez
Or find Furkhan’s Book, Pursuit of Self Love: 30 Uplifting Messages and Reflections. The Kindle version is available on Amazon: https://www.amazon.ca/Pursuit-Self-Love-Uplifting-Messages-Reflections-ebook/dp/B0C4D1XYL1
Subscribe to the EZ Reflections Newsletter: https://ez-reflections-newsletter.beehiiv.com
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
I am a men's coach, therapist, group facilitator, podcaster and author. My journey began five years ago when I was going through a separation. I found myself alone and in a shame spiral that our culture and society covertly exert on people due to the perceived "failure" of a marriage. Unfortunately, I personalized that message which led me to fall deeper into a hole, causing me to surround myself with people that did not serve me and engage in substance abuse. While seeking therapy, I was not making the wholesale changes I needed.
As part of my experience with therapy, I realized that I am not alone in the challenges men my age experience (I separated at the age of 34/35). I realized I could be a voice for men like myself and offer support in this space. In the middle of the pandemic, I applied for a Master's degree in Psychology to become a therapist. This change was a significant shift for me as I worked in the corporate world as an engineer. Once I leaned into the space of supporting other men, I also started a podcast to normalize these difficult conversations and started a men's group a year later with the support of a friend.
I thought I was giving something back when I started the men's group. However, I quickly realized I was getting substantially more from the connections I built than I initially anticipated. It was also something I needed because I was going through another breakup.
At that point, I also realized that I had not taken the time to heal, and I was outsourcing my healing through romantic relationships, substances, material acquisitions and superficial relationships. I decided to step away from the outgoing lifestyle and started to focus on my healing which was another phase of evolution for me on my journey. Over the last year and a half, I have become mindful of the people I spend my time with. I have cleaned my lifestyle of substances, toxic environments and behaviours. I have focused on my sleep, my health and my knowledge. I have improved my spiritual relationship with myself, which was lacking the most over the past five years. This is the best I have felt.
As part of my solitude journey and to find myself again, I also released a book encapsulating my journey, which I hope to share with others. My book is titled: The Pursuit of Self-Love.
