Dear Barbara, as a Hospice admission representative, what do I say to families who say they are “not ready” for hospice — even when they clearly are?

There is an old saying “you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink.” I think that applies here. Our job is to explain hospice benefits and requirements, to explain that dying has a process, and that hospice can help during this challenging time. 

Part of “selling” hospice is to create trust and a bond during that first meeting. It takes people skills in addition to knowledge of hospice benefits.  

Bottom line is: provide the best, do the best education of hospice, its services, and a bit of what to expect as end of life approaches. You want them to know how hospice can support, guide, and be of service during that time.

BUT there will be times when all the above is done and the person or family choose not to come on service. Then — they won’t come on service. You tell them that if they change their mind, you would welcome a phone call and you will begin services.

I don’t mean to plug my booklets (well, yes, I do) but leave with them Gone From My Sight. It will give them guidance. Probably, when they see their special person in the pages, they will indeed call for hospice to begin.  

Remember when people call for a hospice referral, they generally needed its services weeks before they got the courage to call. When people are referred to hospice by an outsider, such as a physician or palliative care team, they are generally not ready to hear or see that the end of life is indeed approaching. Patience, understanding, and education — all with gentleness — are the tools we bring to a hospice information visit.

Something more… about When Families Resist Calling In Hospice

Caring for a dying loved one in the last few months of their life is overwhelming to say the least. Juggling bathing, physical care, medications, meals not to mention everyday life needs is exhausting. I wrote a guide for caregivers to help educate, organize and support those who are caring for a special person at end of life called BY YOUR SIDE: A Guide for Caring for the Dying at Home. If you or someone you know needs this resource, you can get it here: GUIDE

Originally Published on https://bkbooks.com/blogs/something-to-think-about

Barbara Karnes Registered Nurse

Barbara Karnes, RN Award Winning End of Life Educator, Award Winning Nurse, NHPCO Hospice Innovator Award Winner 2018 & 2015 International Humanitarian Woman of the Year

While at the bedside of hundreds of people during the dying process, Hospice Pioneer Barbara Karnes noticed that each death was following a near identical script. Each person was going through the stages of death in almost the same manner and most families came to her with similar questions. These realizations led Barbara to sit down and write Gone From My Sight, "The Little Blue Book" that changed the hospice industry.