I was pleased to contribute to the article published on OprahDaily.com called “Yes, You Can Care for Your Aging Parents from Afar.” It’s written by Amy Conway,  a journalist and family caregiver who is currently the long-distance caregiver for her mother. The article is a mixture of tips from experts as well as things she and her brother learned through experience.

Long-Distance Caregiving Tips

Conway goes into more depth about these issues:

1. Doing some gentle “detective work” to figure out what your parents need to be safe and well. In-person visits are best for a true assessment.
2. When visiting, be observant but not overbearing. Older adults may be afraid of what might happen if you notice they’re not managing as well as before.
3. Try the “cottage cheese” test. Look in their refrigerator to see if they’re eating well or is food outdated or inadequate?
4. Connect with their existing network. Get neighbors’ and friends’ contact info on your next visit with your Aging parent and ask them to contact you if they notice any health or safety concerns.
5. After you get an honest read of their living situation, figure out how each sibling can best help. This is based on each of your personal strengths, proximity to your parent’s home, and how much time each of you has based on your stage of life (i.e., still working or retired).
6. Stay in touch with your aging parents and siblings regularly. Don’t make the conversations and/or visits only about Caregiving to-do’s. Be sure to enjoy quality family time together, as it is very precious.
7. Be aware and grateful for all the local caregiver does — and remember to thank them for it.

Click here to read more on the above tips.

Her Long-Distance Caregiving Journey

Conway shares candidly how she and her brother’s caregiving partnership evolved:

• The difficult realization that her mom was aging and needed care.
• Figuring out what the best (aka safest) living situation was for her mother. Even though her mom had lived close to Conway for many years, changes were made which put Conway in the new role of long-distance caregiver.
• Dividing caregiving responsibilities. Learning the most effective ways she could help from afar while her brother shouldered the “up close and personal” caregiving. Conway writes, “I’m happy when my brother delegates to me because I know it takes something off his plate.”
• How open communication is key to caregiving in a sibling partnership — and for all family caregiving teams.
• How to maintain a good sibling relationship while caregiving.

Click here to read her personal story.

Each family has many variables, so there is no one-size-fits-all for long-distance caregiving. Being aware of, and sensitive to, your aging loved ones’ needs and safety are important forces driving care decisions. And my book, The Conscious Caregiver, contains a whole chapter with more suggestions to make long-distance caregiving easier.

Linda Abbit Author, Speaker, Family Caregiving Expert

Linda Abbit is an eldercare professional and caregiver with more than 25 years of experience caring for her parents and other family members. She is the author of "The Conscious Caregiver: A Mindful Approach to Caring for Your Loved One Without Losing Yourself," (Simon & Schuster, 2017).

Linda worked for over 10 years in the eldercare and health care professions. In 2021, she retired from her position as Community Outreach Manager for Alzheimer’s Family Center, an adult day health care agency designed solely for people with dementia and Alzheimer’s disease and their families.

She currently speaks, leads workshops and assists family caregivers through her book, blog and the Tender Loving Eldercare Facebook page. Her talks are engaging, inspiring and, most importantly, full of real-world practices for new and veteran caregivers to implement in their daily caregiving.

In June 2023, Amy Dickinson recommended Linda's book to family caregivers in her nationally-syndicated column, "Ask Amy."

Linda holds a Master’s degree in Education and was a support group facilitator for the Alzheimer’s Association in Orange County for many years.

Her motto is "Self-care is NOT selfish."