Have you ever realized you’re living by a vow you don’t remember making?
In Episode 98 of Shame Out Loud : Part 4 of our six-part series, Lori Clarke, co-host Tammy Valicenti, and guests Dr. Lara Barbir, and Carina Gosch explore what happens after the moment you start surviving instead of living.
Together, they open the “inner forest” to talk about shame, self-betrayal, and the slow work of coming home without forcing the timeline.
You’ll also hear about the vows we make in the dark: I won’t feel this. I won’t need anyone. I’ll stay small to stay safe. And what it means to rewrite them into something truer, self-trust, agency, dignity, and a new way of belonging.
If you’ve been carrying a story that was never yours to hold, consider this your reminder: the forest may be where you adapted… but it can also be where you return.
(Gentle note: This episode includes discussion of Trauma, sexual assault, shame, emotional neglect, and difficult Family dynamics. Please listen with care and support as needed.)
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00:00 – 08:08 — Series context + bringing the next guest into the circle
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08:08 – 11:15 — Lara Barbir intro + mirror/dream resonance + “forest as diverse landscape”
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11:15 – 14:30 — Forest as ecosystem; post-traumatic Growth; meaning-making
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14:30 – 18:55 — Teen Depression diagnosis; emotional silence; coping patterns; being unseen
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18:55 – 21:15 — “How did you find yourself?” early survival strategies; safety-seeking
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21:15 – 30:45 — Lori, Tammy, Lara, and Carina define their forests (emotional neglect, chaos, survival roles, returning to center)
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30:45 – 38:10 — “Secrets we keep from ourselves”; repression lifting over time; somatic healing and remembrance
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38:10 – 49:55 — Shame: how it shows up in body + behavior; unconditional Love as catalyst; “we’re never done”
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49:55 – 56:30 — The vows we make in the forest; rewriting vows; “in all things lead with love”
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56:30 – 1:05:40 — Forgiveness reframed (self-forgiveness, dignity, not excusing harm)
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1:05:40 – 1:16:30 — Returning to yourself; agency; acceptance of inner world; “I love you / you’re not alone” closing takeaways
1:16:30 – 1:25:00 — Off-mic wrap + “ancestors / possibilities are endless” closing energy
