What’s in a Name?by Mark M. Bello
If you read my recent post about Armando Galarraga you know I’m a baseball fan. I was watching a wrap-up show on the MLB Channel the other night, and the show host mentioned two names the caught my attention:
Scott Blewitt is a right-hand reliever for the Baltimore Orioles. Can you imagine him as the Oriole’s closer? If he fails to close out an Orioles win, I can see the headlines now: “Scott Blew it!” (Editor’s Note: Perhaps that’s why the Orioles’ announcers call him Scott BlewIT…no pause after Blew, with an emphasis on IT)
Or, how about Jason Junk, reliever for the Miami Marlins? If the speed of his fastball falls a tad below what a manger might expect, will he start throwing “junk” like Frank Tanana, after an injury ruined his electric fastball? His repertiore would literally be described in his name.
I got to thinking . . . (Editor’s Note: Mark does a lot of thinking…)
Baseball cannot just be a treasure chest obscure of stats and stars. There are probably a host of unforgettable, bizarre, and pun-laden player names. We’ve already met Scott Blewitt and Janson Junk—two active pitchers whose surnames are punchlines. Are they the tip of an iceberg? Baseball’s been around a long time. How many names like “Blewitt” and “Junk” have played pro ball? A perfect challenge for . . . the Internet!
In the “bum” category, we have Madison Bumgarner and Aaron Bummer. My memory of Bumgarner says he was a better pitcher than his career stats suggest. He had a good run with the San Francisco Giants, but what if he had been terrible in SanFran? Resounding cries of “what a bum” would have been heard all over California. Bummer ptiches for the Atlanta Braves. He has a mediocre 18-19 lifetime record with a decent 3.34 ERA. His 2025 record is 0-1 with a 3.76 ERA. Wait for it . . . What a bummer!
(Editor’s Note: This is bumming me out!)
How many times have you scowled at a TV screen and yelled at a player: “You suck!” Well, there once was a catcher, shortstop, centerfielder (they call those “utility players” these days) named Tony Suck. And, guess what, he sucked! He played for the Buffalo Bisons of the National League and a host of minor league clubs in 1883 and 1884. He had a lifetime average of .151 with no home runs and no RBIs. Geez, he did suck!
On the “good side of things, we have Ralph Good, Danny Goodwin, and Billy Goodman. Ralph Good had a 2.00 lifetime ERA. Pretty good, you say? He only pitched in two games and nine innings, lifetime! My guess? He was under so much pressure to live up to his name, day after day, he quit. Danny Goodwin was a mediocre DH-First Baseman. His career average was .236 in seven major league seasons. The daily pressure to produce a good win must have been to much pressure for Danny. Billy Goodman kinda-sorta lived up to his name. In 16 major league seasons, he had a lifetime .300 average. Despite the average, he was, indeed, good, but not great, he only hit 19 homers in 16 years and had 591 RBIs. (an average of 1 home run and 37 RBIs a year). You be the judge. A good man on the baseball field or was he Billy ‘Averageman’?
(Editor’s Note: That sucked, Mark)
In the “can’t throw the ball over the plate” category, we have the infamous Bob Walk and Grant Balfour. Walk finished 7th in the rookie of the year voting in his first year with Philadelphia and had a lifetime record of 105-81, pitching mostly for the Pittsburgh Pirates. His ERA was 4.05. He walked 605 batters in his career, only 200 less than he struck out. Balfour, like Walk, has “base-on-balls” in his name. He had a decent career, mostly with Tampa Bay, but if you were a batter, would you swing at any pitch thrown by a pitcher named ball-four? It had to hinder him.
In the “why didn’t they change it?” sexual reference category, we have Mike Blowers, Rusty Kuntz (who played for my world-champion Tigers in 1984), Stubby Clapp, and Dick Pole. I guess Blewitt, Suck, and Junk would fit into this category, too. Making them the only dual category players. (Editor’s Note: That sucked, Mark.)
In the “players whose names sound made up” category, we have Coco Crisp (breakfast anyone?), Boof Bonser, Oil Can Boyd, Catfish Hunter, Cannonball Titcomb, Wonderful Terrific Monds III (real name—no pressure. does he belong in the “good” category?), and Shooty Babitt (any relation to Lorena? No, that was Bobbit).
In the “oldies but goodies” category, we have these turn-of-the-century treats: Urban Shocker (Yankees pitcher and the name of a jazz-age detective), Home Run Baker (who earned the nickname by leading the league in homers four times), Pumpsie Green (the first Black player on the Boston Red Sox), and Dinty Gearin (no story here, but what a great name for a 1920s ballplayer!).
Players who stink? How about Rougned Odor. His name is actually pronounced “oh-door.” His claim to fame is punching Jose Bautista in the face and knocking him down. Then there is Jake Odorizzi (pronounces Odor-easy)—it’s esay to forget to shower or use deodorant, I guess. He didn’t stink, but he wasn’t that good, either. Devin Smeltzer’s has had a rather smelly career up to now, as well.
The only Hall-of-Famer in the bunch? Catfish Hunter of the World Champion A’s. What a pitcher! I remember him well—tough on the Tigers.
Baseball isn’t just a game of skill—it’s a game of characters, legends, stats, history, and yes, funny-sounding names. Do you have a favorite I missed? Drop it in the comments. Just keep me away from Smeltzer, Odor and Odorizzi and don’t let the Tigers trade for Junk or Blewitt. Skubal, Mize, and Flaherty will refuse to leave the mound!
Mark M. Bello is an attorney and author of 9 Zachary Blake Legal Thrillers and other legal themed novels and children’s books. For more information, please visit https://www.markmbello.com
