Julia Mayer, a clinical psychologist, shares her extensive Caregiving journey spanning nine years, which involved caring for her father after her mother's unexpected passing and then supporting her husband Barry's mother, Jean, and stepfather, Steve. After her mother died during a heart surgery recovery, Julia and her siblings stepped in to care for their father, with her older brother taking the primary caregiver role while Julia provided weekend relief. Her father passed away about 15 months after her mother, and shortly after, they became involved in caring for Barry's parents, who were experiencing financial difficulties.
Julia and Barry relocated Jean and Steve from Florida to an apartment near them, managing their care through the use of aides, a notebook system, and personal visits. Despite Jean's combative nature and strained relationship with Barry, Julia approached caregiving with compassion, patience, and a sense of humor. Her professional background as a psychologist helped her maintain emotional distance and communicate effectively, often serving as a mediator between Jean and Barry. She focused on preserving her Family Relationships through open communication and involving her children in the caregiving process.
Throughout their caregiving experience, Julia and Barry collaborated closely, supporting each other emotionally and eventually turning their experiences into professional resources. They are set to publish “The Caregiver's Answer Book” with AARP in July 2025, providing comprehensive guidance for caregivers in various situations. Julia's approach to caregiving emphasizes three key principles: not taking the care recipient's suffering personally, maintaining empathy and compassion, and seeking support for oneself during the challenging caregiving journey.
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Website: www.loveandmeaning.com
About Julia:
Julia L. Mayer, Psy.D is a clinical psychologist in private practice in Media, PA. She received her bachelor’s degree from the University of Pennsylvania and her doctorate in clinical psychology from Widener University. Prior to becoming a psychologist, she wrote plays and interned as an assistant to the director for a theater company in New York. She has published professionally in the APA journal, Families, Systems & Health. She also co-authored various articles with her husband, Barry J. Jacobs, Psy.D., for WebMD and HealthCentral. She has been doing individual and marital Therapy for 31 years, specializing in working with women who have histories of sexual Trauma, eating disorders and troubled marriages. She has increasingly focused her work on supporting caregivers. Since 2018, she has been doing a weekly podcast about psychology and social justice, called Shrinks on Third. For nine years, she was a caregiver for her father with vascular dementia and
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Known since childhood as “The Elliott Girls” or simply, “The Girls”, it makes sense that we work together to support our mother, and each other. Our trio begins with Jenefer Jane “JJ” who was and always will be “in charge”. She’s the peacekeeper. The responsible one, ensuring Natalie and Emilie remain alive. Next is Natalie, the middle child, who was and always will be Miss Congeniality. She’s the athlete. The rebel responsible for three babysitters exiting the summer of ’84. Then there is Emilie, the youngest, who was and always will be “the baby”. At 6’1”, she is the sensitive and quiet soul. The one responsible for the guinea pig that begged for lettuce and the stray dog we adopted from the bus stop.
After high school we went separate ways, from New Mexico to North Carolina. JJ would go on to get her Master’s in Business Administration and work in the finance world before partnering with her now husband, Dexter, to run a variety of businesses. Natalie would go on to get her Master’s in Social Work degree, and work in the mental health field, advocating for children and families to receive the most appropriate services. Natalie would marry and divorce early on but later marry Jason. Emilie would exit college early to marry and gift us with Owen and twins, Maxx and Natalie Jane aka “The Kids”. Emilie would later divorce and work with county government, focusing much time on caring for the kids.
The source of the sisterhood falls to Jim aka “Big Jim” and Connie, small town high school sweethearts married for almost 40 years.
In 2005, at the age of 52, mom would be diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease. She hid the disease for years behind dad’s 6’2” frame. The tremors and sudden inability to move were both calmed and steadied by his arm and simple presence. He was her rock. Our rock. Close family and friends knew of her chronic illness, but to the rest of the world, everything was “fine”. Life would turn upside down when our dad unexpectedly passed in 2011 of a massive heart attack at the age of 58. The assumption was Dad would always be mom’s caregiver but that wasn’t God’s plan.
Mom would spend the years following our father’s death desperately seeking a cure for Parkinson’s while trying to manage her symptoms. As the years went by, the cruel symptoms associated with the disease increased, negatively impacting her body while her mind remained clear and in tune. We lived our lives checking in to make sure she was “okay” but knowing the day would come when we had to do more. And then it did. The summer of 2019 changed everything. That’s where the real caregiver story begins for us. Little did we know she would be only the beginning of our caregiving journey.
In March 2022, Natalie’s husband, Jason, was diagnosed with head and neck cancer. From the first time Jason detected something off about the swollen lymph nodes in his neck, to the formal diagnosis, and the decision to move to New York City to participate in a clinical trial at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center, the journey would push them to their limits. The silver lining of his diagnosis was the cancer brought them closer to God, restoring their faith in Him while also experiencing a myriad of blessings through the kindness of family, friends, and strangers. Their story is a testimony that will inspire and offer hope.
