Posts Tagged With ‘ Barbara Karnes ’

Most people, if they had their choice, would want to be in their home with family and the dog or cat on the bed when they die. YET, most people die in a hospital or nursing facility without the dog or cat, and maybe even without family present. In the hospital, if a person doesn’t have a DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) order they will not be allowed to die naturally. The body will be attached to machines to keep it breathing, and when their heart stops, the medical staff will try to restart it, generally to no avail. Without a DNR order, death will not come gently and only hospital staff will be present. If... Continue Reading

As I travel this grief path I am seeing that many people don’t know what to do or say to grievers. There can be awkwardness, even avoidance from people. I remember when a friend’s son died and Jack and I were on the way to the visitation, husband Jack asked me what he could say to our friends. He didn’t know what to say and he knew there was really nothing he could do for them. I suggested he say just that, “I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry.” There seem to be so many cliches that offer condolences. “I’m sorry for your loss,” “He is at peace now,” “He is with God,”... Continue Reading

Why are professional boundaries so important? First let’s define “professional.” Being professional means being reliable, setting your own high standards, and showing that you care about every aspect of your job. It is about being industrious and organized and holding yourself accountable for your thoughts, words, and actions.  That definition can apply to any job. In this instance I am using the word professional in reference to employees of the healthcare system (doctors, nurses, social workers, home health agencies to name just a few) who are present to address healthcare issues. We enter... Continue Reading

Dear Barbara, What are ways to provide support to hospice staff (RN’s, CNA’s, SW’s, CP’s) who see death on a nearly daily basis? What actions would be meaningful in an industry where death is an integral part of our lives? Working with end of life in the medical field often leaves us feeling like outliers. The medical model is designed to fix people. Working with dying generally isn’t addressed in training. (It’s getting better in our medical schools but we’ve still got a long way to go.) Because of this lack of education, it is up to the individual hospices to provide... Continue Reading

I was recently asked how to be a Hospice volunteer. My answer was to call any hospice and ask how to be part of their volunteer program. However the real question is “Why do you want to be a hospice volunteer? Why do you want to support people who are dying?” Being involved with end of life care is not something most people want to do, so what brings you? Is it because you have had a hospice experience and want to give back? I have witnessed many people whose special person I cared for during the end of their life become hospice volunteers.  HOWEVER, I suggest a person wait a year. The grief... Continue Reading

It isn’t until you walk in another’s shoes that you really know what something feels like. As most of you know my husband was on hospice services recently and died. Here are some thoughts after being on the other side of hospice, on the receiving side.  *Once we get up the courage to call hospice, we want to see you immediately.  Actually, we needed to see you, hear your guidance and advice, and receive your services yesterday. Families tend to be overwhelmed and have trouble coping when they reach the point of asking for help. Hospice is that help. Don’t make us wait. Within 24 hours,... Continue Reading

As a new widow (that word sounds strange and startling) I have had many new insights. In my work in end of life, the focus has been on approaching death. Grief has been an afterthought, not a primary issue. With Jack’s death, I know how powerful grief is. Emotionally, now a month after Jack’s death, I am still kind of numb. I haven’t cried since his death. The tears are generally behind my eyes. I can feel them but can’t or won’t let them out. I am not my gentle, understanding self. I am impatient. I am not necessarily being sociable or even being polite. I am sharp and edgy. That is... Continue Reading

Death has touched us all, some more recently than others.  Grief has no actual timeline, no end point where we are suddenly “fine.” Each of us responds to our loss in different ways.  Each of us in our own way and on our own time figure out how to go on living without our special person. With the holidays centering around family, friendship, joy, and laughter we are reminded of who is missing.  The Holidays become bittersweet– seeing the joy around us but feeling the emptiness our special person has left. We smile, laugh, yet tears are there.   Here are some thoughts that... Continue Reading

The physician is frontline, the top of the pyramid in healthcare. All care follows from there. The physician can set the tone for the entire patient experience.  How do you set that tone to be a positive experience for the patient? Be honest, open, and direct. Talk at a fifth grade level, and not rushed. Combine this with gentleness and consideration for the information you are imparting.   Put aside the disease you are treating and look at the person who has the disease.  Have an assistant do the charting and computer tasks. Don’t let the computer be your focus. This meeting is about a person.... Continue Reading

Words. How we say them and how they are heard are often two different things.  This morning my husband and I had a few words over what I gave him for breakfast. I would say it was a “tirade.” He would say it was an “explanation.” That little exchange got me thinking about how words are heard from where the person hearing them is rather than the dictionary definition of the words. This morning’s little exchange then led me to think about words we use in end of life work. Words that reference approaching death and death itself. Words nobody really wants to hear.  The hard, difficult words... Continue Reading