The Go-Giver Marriage – Ana Gabriel Mann

On Mindsets

“Mindsets are everything, because here’s one of the things that happens in every relationship. You meet and you’re in this kiss of romance. It’s really amazing. You think I have found my soul mate. But the truth is you’re all bringing your history. She is bringing her history. You are bringing your history and whatever that history was from your initial family will start to seep into the relationship. And, some people call it after the honeymoon’s over, but it really is the day-to-day. Who are you as a person? And how do you relate in the relationship? Did you have a critical parent? And now you’ve become a critical partner. Are you a critical parent yourself? It’s always that history is reflecting in our relationships. So mindset’s incredibly important and intentionality is incredibly important. I tell people often in my Coaching practice, you have to decide: who do you want to be in this relationship?”

On Learning and Growing

“Continual learning is the most important thing in life. But at the same time, when you stagnate or don’t let your growth continue, and you lean into the relationship in order to get your needs met, eventually you are more empty. And the other partner is more full because they’ve been out in the world, they’ve been doing things and you lose your perspective on what you have to bring to the relationship when you’re constantly growing and learning. You have something new to bring to the relationship every day.”

On Acknowledgement & Appreciation 

“Acknowledgement can never be underestimated because it’s a lifelong need. There’s childhood developmental needs, and then there’s adult developmental needs and they aren’t too dissimilar. People still have that narcissistic need to be seen, to be witnessed, to be understood and to be heard. And so the first secret, which is appreciation, is a simple one. Take three to four opportunities every day to observe something about your partner that you appreciate and love. To tell them that, to take the time – to stop them in their tracks. And we’re not talking about passing phrases, like, Gosh, you’re looking pretty today, Hun. That’s a really nice thing to say to your partner, but at the same time, it’s a passing comment. It’s not really one of those [that’ll] stop you in your tracks, like When I listen to you talk to our children, I feel so grateful that you’re their mother. You have so much understanding and you’re just so present with them. That’s the kind of thing that makes you go Wow. And when appreciation is not only authentic, but constant, and in our relationship, John and I it’s, it’s so present and so authentic that it actually creates a whole new sense of your sense of self.”

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Intro and Outro voiceovers by Ross Huguet.